Love: Get away from me

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 146

You deserved it 7 949

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 847

You deserved it 6 044

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 472

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 424

You deserved it 22 859

By Anonymous - 17/02/2010 20:44 - United States

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 386

You deserved it 37 847

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 600

You deserved it 88 940

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 816

You deserved it 3 650

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 692

You deserved it 43 452

By anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 6 639

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 7 364

Hot stuff

By Liam. - 01/02/2010 05:15 - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 652

You deserved it 51 974

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:23

Mmm. Kinky. Though I'm more of a traditional kinda guy. I only let them break a finger or a toe on the first date.

LilKonvicted 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:11

WATHEHELL?

Comments

green_room119 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 22:32

what the hell???

alee718 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 22:38

lol #13

carriebooradley 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 22:39

Dude she probably said "bite" and you couldn't hear her because it was too loud.

skyswim37 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 22:40

******* creepy.

dantheman_fml 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 22:51

shes a keeper... i dont know why you are complaining

jessxoxo28 5

Wednesday 6 May 2009 22:52

um... creepy!!! u two r meant to be, lol!!!!

shelbypoo 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:09

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Nandian90 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:14

WTF, I have never heard something like this before... I don't know whether to Run Away or Stay... Hmm... Decisions Decisions

aggieskate900 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:22

Wow. That's kinky. She's guaranteed to be a freak in bed, whether she was joking about the collarbone or not. And if she's really into you, then by all means, get kinky with her, but just don't let her get so kinky as to break your collarbone. It's simple. You just gotta compromise.