Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 472

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 543

You deserved it 5 180

By sydneybourgeois - 13/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 509

You deserved it 16 142

By Anonymous - 18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 666

First time?

By Kiss-a-thon - 27/07/2016 10:01 - Germany

Today, I finally got together with this great guy I've had a crush on for a while. He told me before that he is quite inexperienced, which usually doesn't bother me at all. Turns out "inexperienced" translates to "I will include your nose and chin in our kissing" in this case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 948

You deserved it 2 212

By Mojo_Jojo - 13/06/2009 11:01 - China

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 006

You deserved it 6 678

By vishurricanes - 10/06/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 848

You deserved it 3 236

By Bella - 26/10/2018 03:00

Today, I finally managed to kiss the guy of my dreams. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, and he softly said, "You know I'm dating another girl right now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 176

You deserved it 544

Confused

By Miranda - 07/06/2020 17:06

Today, I was going to walk up to my crush, kiss him, and tell him how I felt. We are already kind of touchy with each other, so I thought he liked me back. I walked up to him and kissed him. He kissed me back, then gently pushed me away. He quietly whispered, "I'm gay." Then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 479

By plasticfantastic - 25/04/2009 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 713

You deserved it 9 620

Classy

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 20:12 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying, "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 479

You deserved it 5 080

jbuckets_404 38

Monday 23 September 2019 6:39

To be perfectly honest, that's what every guy thinks when making out ... if not before. JS.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 23 September 2019 6:51

Maybe I don't understand the concept of a crush. Back in my day, it meant you someone you wanted to bone.

Comments

worldclassrager 39

Monday 23 September 2019 6:22

What a dick

jbuckets_404 38

Monday 23 September 2019 6:39

To be perfectly honest, that's what every guy thinks when making out ... if not before. JS.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 23 September 2019 22:47

Like as soon as I lay eyes on them. Getting to know them excludes many.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 23 September 2019 6:51

Maybe I don't understand the concept of a crush. Back in my day, it meant you someone you wanted to bone.

DogStew 20

Monday 23 September 2019 6:52

That’s your crush. Another winner picked a winner.

SkullHQ 27

Monday 23 September 2019 7:20

Maybe it was a joke? Hopefully you're the joking type

Wadlaen 23

Monday 23 September 2019 10:15

That's a keeper!💕😂

JackWood 20

Monday 23 September 2019 11:37

Find another crush this one obviously gets around.

demix_fml 32

Monday 23 September 2019 15:13

So romantic 🙄

DieYuppieScum 4

Monday 23 September 2019 15:19

Was it the sentiment or the phrasing that made this an FML in your mind?

blueknight1st 26

Monday 23 September 2019 15:58

At least you know he’s into you.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 567

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 5 177

The Top

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 319

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 531

You deserved it 11 063

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 689

You deserved it 2 506

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 809

You deserved it 3 017

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 052

You deserved it 7 961

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him, "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied, " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 090

You deserved it 54 707

Mr. Smooth

Same thing different taste

First time?

Confused

Classy

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