Cats, Scary, Cute and Animals: Freak out

Freak out

By zAstonish - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 249

You deserved it 4 191

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Night time entertainment

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 276

You deserved it 423

Caught off guard

By dooommage - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 15 346

Hang in there

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 797

You deserved it 4 967

Right back!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 400

You deserved it 908

Satisfaction

By thacupcakeassassin - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Shippensburg

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 062

You deserved it 1 730

Self defence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 101

You deserved it 2 479

I'm OK!

By MAC. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 440

You deserved it 6 023

Say it, don't spray it

By ... - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 919

You deserved it 2 290

Watch out!

By FlyLikeABird - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 896

You deserved it 4 431

The ending of Lost explained

By Morgan - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 858

You deserved it 30 044

Welshite 39

Saturday 26 September 2015 1:01

He was pretending to be a cat burglar.

SashaTaras 26

Saturday 26 September 2015 0:57

What a catastrophe!

Comments

maximumcarnage 13

Saturday 26 September 2015 8:59

That's PUUURRRRfect! How is your nose is it FELINE fine?! I'm just KITTEN! HA Cat Puns!

elcee1987 18

Saturday 26 September 2015 10:12

Dude I can't even fault you for falling out of bed. That would scare the shit out of me too.

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 26 September 2015 11:01

I awoke my human by breathing on is neck...new way to wake him up...confirmed

minnymau5 5

Saturday 26 September 2015 18:09

...Was it actually your cat though? (dun dun dun)

Jryan952015 7

Saturday 26 September 2015 21:12

Looks like your the scaredy-cat

StellaNox 16

Sunday 27 September 2015 0:13

Never trust a cat! You never know, he/-she might be up to something.

teribaby89 9

Thursday 15 October 2015 4:52

??????Ive done this!!!

DemonBoy1988 22

Monday 9 November 2015 12:08

Dude, you're so lucky, you just escaped from a cat assassin

Keywords

Sadness Health Lonely Dentist Work Awkward Abuse Parents Birthday Miscellaneous OCD Relatable Mental health Love Cute Cleaning Housework Argument Kids Animals Cats Intimacy Underwear Bikes Camping Friends Vacation Boredom Music Transportation

The Top

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 951

You deserved it 28 265

Today, a lady told me I looked like Paul McCartney in his youth. With that little confidence boost, I told my girlfriend. I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that she didn't know who Paul McCartney is, or how she is now obsessively Googling pictures of him and is practically drooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 195

The Top

Today, I sent a WhatsApp message to my boss that was meant for my ex-boyfriend. The message was a picture of my middle finger. Note to self: always check which conversation window you're typing/sending pictures in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 1 123

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 731

You deserved it 13 038

Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 055

You deserved it 298

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 816

You deserved it 51 147

Today, I sadly had to tell my fiancé of 3 years that I realized I’m a lesbian and not really attracted to men, and therefore I called off the wedding. He decided to retaliate and out me to my very Christian parents, who are unhappy campers right now. “Unhappy” is an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 1 292

Today, my now-ex fiancée actually took another man’s penis out of her mouth and had the audacity to shout, “Babe, it’s not what it looks like!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 153

Same thing different taste

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