Sex, Poopoo peepee, Awkward and Intimacy: Dodged a bullet

Dodged a bullet

By CC. - 11/10/2011 14:51 - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 881

You deserved it 25 056

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 391

You deserved it 66 430

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 2 009

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 564

You deserved it 24 312

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 240

You deserved it 43 577

By niabby - 20/02/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 6 857

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 1 857

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 120

You deserved it 1 146

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 320

You deserved it 4 957

By Anonymous - 29/01/2019 16:00

Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 237

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 1 322

Joey44 15

Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:57

Yeah, it really is a good thing you let that ship sail and didn't hook up with him again... oh wait.

windfuelsfire 10

Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:57

In a nutshell, he jizzed in his pants, rolled you off the bed and then marked you as his territory

Comments

bigbubbamike 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:12

that ship sailed down a warm golden river

every1luvsboners 11

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:17

This is why I always wear a chip clip on my penis. Sometimes you can't control that little bastard; it has a mind of it's own. Just buy him one and you'll be fine.

UbeenKAKed 0

Wednesday 12 October 2011 5:19

Haha. Thats funny as shit.

angrymexican 8

Wednesday 12 October 2011 5:50

"little" bastard made me laugh

vipirius 18

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:22

ydi for f**king him in the first place. I mean are you really that stupid ane unreasonable?

FML_LOL_439 4

Wednesday 12 October 2011 1:17

#15- wtf, there was nothing wrong with what op did. It's not like they tried to force one another.

helterskeltersmi 0

Wednesday 12 October 2011 2:33

Are you retarded? Or just a giant asshole? Either way, shut the **** up

ReynshineCutting 10

Wednesday 12 October 2011 15:57

Well having sex with random people is pretty damn whorish. Hopefully OP will grow out of that stage fairly soon. This might be her wake up call.

ergo_sum 8

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:27

Alla gillar svenska killer ;)

DeathBunny218 37

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:34

I don't really see how she deserved this, i'd say F his life more though.

TipOfTheHat 10

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:37

Are you sure you want that ship to sail? He should be on the winning tour with charlie sheen!

copy125 0

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:41

Wow, you should really get some self respect, clearly you can do better.

NoNotTheFace 8

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:41

It would be funnier if he blamed you for everything when we woke up. You peed on the bed? GROSS. And you didn't want to sleep on your own pee so you slept on the floor. But you didn't give a SHIT ABOUT ME WALLOWING IN YOUR URINE???

NoNotTheFace 8

Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:51

*When HE woke up. What a bitch of a mistake. Unless... we had a threesome but I was too shitfaced to remember. But that's impossible because no way in **** am I spending $700 for a one way ticket to Sweden.