Weird, Parents and Miscellaneous: Dad jokes

Dad jokes

By thefuck - 30/06/2013 22:08 - Ireland - Ballyjamesduff

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 934

You deserved it 3 667

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r - 04/06/2012 20:34 - United States - Geneva

Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 4 492

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 541

You deserved it 2 153

Spooky!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2015 16:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 060

You deserved it 2 354

By eggs - 28/02/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 9 206

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 23:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 005

You deserved it 5 513

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 2 552

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - 31/07/2013 22:49 - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 697

You deserved it 47 490

That one weird kid

By shellski - 21/01/2012 01:21 - United States

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 2 329

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 01:48 - Canada

Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 168

You deserved it 41 121

By rowie1311 - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 570

You deserved it 31 052

JasonUMN 15

Monday 1 July 2013 1:57

Well, do you have a problem with it?

Nordrag 26

Monday 1 July 2013 1:59

Egg his car. Reply the same way. Wait for results. (Warning: I am in no way liable to any injuries sustained during the course of action recommended above.)

Comments

FlyingPie 17

Monday 1 July 2013 7:02

Sounda like your dad isn't all he's cracked up to be.

buckdharma 36

Monday 1 July 2013 7:49

The answer to a age old dilemma, what came first the chicken or the egg? My theory. The egg came first, the chicken was shopping. You got a ******* problem with that?

Brilliant66star 17

Monday 1 July 2013 8:18

Your dad's a real piece of work, whether he did it or not..! I hope you'll remember this and be kinder and gentler with your own kids' psyches. Meanwhile, I hope he'll remember who's looking after him in his old age. FYL.

BelfastNuts 15

Monday 1 July 2013 9:17

Ireland... Where else in the world would your da egg your house?

byron17 26

Monday 1 July 2013 15:19

I was going to say don't be so discriminatory! but hen I saw you're from Belfast! Howdy Neighbourino!

byron17 26

Saturday 6 July 2013 20:46

***then

nightbirdblue 27

Monday 1 July 2013 15:04

Well, sometimes you have to go overboard sarcastic to get sarcasm across.

biscuitninja 4

Monday 1 July 2013 15:44

Hunting Camera should do the trick. PS... i think sugar in the gas tank would do GREAT! Either that or a paint solvent... MTBE, it dissolves the rubber and slowly erodes the plastic parts. Pretty insidious and evil for you car guys.