Animals, Kids, Cats and Babies: Cats with jobs

Cats with jobs

By Where's Jerry the mouse when you want him - 17/04/2022 16:00

Today, our baby cries constantly, except for when our grumpy old feral tom cat comes over to lay beside her, lick her head and so on. This bastard cat is the most ornery sumbitch I've ever met and bites worse than a bear trap, yet he's a better dad than I am. Plus, he looks so damn smug while he's doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 230

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Raised by cats

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 20:01

Today, my baby will only stop crying if my evil-smelling, bad-tempered, violent, half-feral, half-psychotic cat climbs into her cot to sleep next to her all night, yet when I try to do anything like feed her or change her nappy, she cries like she’s being tortured, I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 189

Cats > Babies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2020 14:00

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 427

By notevencatnipworks - 27/08/2018 13:00

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, my girlfriend's cat kept us up from 3:30am crying nonstop. We've tried everything, and even exiled my well-behaved cat to keep him company. Now she cries because she feels she's being punished. Starting around 4am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 314

Bathtime

By BadCatOwner - 25/06/2023 10:00

Today, my 11 year-old daughter claimed I'm a terrible cat parent. Why? Because in the 4 months that we've had the cat, I haven't given him a bath. Our strictly indoor kitten lives in attack mode, and would paint the walls with my blood if I attempted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 138

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 330

By alii2349 - 11/02/2014 03:16 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 459

You deserved it 10 031

Getting no pussy love

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 05:02

Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 403

Telepathy?

By So tired - 24/05/2023 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 370

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 1 192

Poor little kitty

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 17:01

Today, I realized the kitten I adopted months ago either has serious attachment issues or the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever seen. Only I can get near him, he can't stand us being over 5 feet apart, he meows until I let him into the bathroom with me, and I feel like a jerk for disliking it. I need space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 304

Crowned Sataness 12

Sunday 17 April 2022 16:14

it has nothing to do with your parenting. trust me I have 4. some babies are extremely cranky and colicky. most babies will comfort for an animal over a human

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 17 April 2022 16:10

It's because he's a "kewl kat." I'm sure he cleans the house much better than you, too. Don't piss him off or he'll swat your banjo string. I'll stop now.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 17 April 2022 16:10

It's because he's a "kewl kat." I'm sure he cleans the house much better than you, too. Don't piss him off or he'll swat your banjo string. I'll stop now.

Crowned Sataness 12

Sunday 17 April 2022 16:14

it has nothing to do with your parenting. trust me I have 4. some babies are extremely cranky and colicky. most babies will comfort for an animal over a human

IHaveThePower 16

Tuesday 26 July 2022 6:20

Look, on the one hand, babies and cats are a match made in heaven because kittehs love babies and babies love kittehs, and doesn't matter how feral the cat is, they love 'em some human babies. On the other... *points and laughs* Don't worry, your kid will be more fun when he can talk. Then he can tell you that he has a kitty daddy.