Intimacy: Are you experienced?

Are you experienced?

By Brax - 30/05/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 247

You deserved it 9 418

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Same thing different taste

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 735

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 607

You deserved it 90 939

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 377

You deserved it 746

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 3 908

By noweddingforyou - 29/09/2013 19:21 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 407

You deserved it 7 646

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 564

You deserved it 12 434

Disproportionate response

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 04:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 387

You deserved it 4 615

By Surprisebuttsecks? - 07/12/2011 04:39 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 279

You deserved it 7 398

What what?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 1 406

KingCeltic77 18

Wednesday 30 May 2012 16:12

That's really shitty.

kickuwithmyfist 1

Wednesday 30 May 2012 16:12

Well.. you did get a hand job..so that's a plus!=D

Comments

doglover569 0

Wednesday 30 May 2012 17:13

She is subtle about what she wants, huh?

beemo23 0

Wednesday 30 May 2012 17:15

yo slap her next time. man butt is for pooping:3

shadexilmaendu 4

Wednesday 30 May 2012 17:15

Open Mindedness can go a long way. It's 2012, who hasn't fooled around with prostate stimulation?

Ge0rger0kz 5

Wednesday 30 May 2012 17:18

By awkward you meant turned on right?

charvisioku 22

Wednesday 30 May 2012 17:19

There are too many judgemental people on FML... *sigh*

catwomanRAWR 0

Saturday 9 June 2012 18:10

and somehow men think girls enjoy objects being stuck up their butt...

Gustaborios 0

Tuesday 12 June 2012 5:37

Whats her number

etester 5

Thursday 14 June 2012 0:48

Is that the same thing you told her the first time you wanted to try anal with her?

j3ebrules 13

Friday 15 June 2012 8:15

Then she did it wrong.

kelly352 0

Thursday 21 June 2012 5:58

Nasty bitch

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The Top

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 831

You deserved it 1 359

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not two minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 135

The Top

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 988

You deserved it 18 147

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 971

You deserved it 115 392

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 293

You deserved it 64 754

Today, a co-worker called in sick due to a family emergency. I ended up working an unplanned 12-hour overnight shift. After I clocked out, I dragged myself out to the parking lot to go home. Someone had smeared tacos all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 211

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one-night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 909

You deserved it 1 348

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 890

You deserved it 6 157