Health and Poopoo peepee: All bunged up - FML

All bunged up

By Buzz - 01/10/2017 13:00

Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 054

You deserved it 725

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Same thing different taste

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 328

You deserved it 441

Source?

By Yudith - 11/03/2024 07:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I can't drink coffee anymore due to its turbo-diarrhea effect on me. I also have to take something with caffeine everyday or I will have a migraine, so I drink Diet Coke. Today, I saw on TV that even two cans of soda a week erase the heart health gains made during exercise. Goodbye, healthy hearth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 220

Strung out

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 16:30 - Australia

Today, I realised just how caffeine dependent I am. I didn't have time for my morning coffee, work is out of milk, and I only have $1.30 in my bank account, so I couldn't buy a coffee. Today has been a struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 616

Stimulating

By animositykilledthecatfs - 29/11/2023 03:00 - United States - Cookeville

Today, I drank two and a half Panera charged lemonades to feel more motivated and ended up feeling itchy and overstimulated due to the lethal caffeine-sugar combo and got nothing done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 611

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 498

You deserved it 8 796

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 123

You deserved it 7 963

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 19:00 - United States - Chester

Today, I discovered what it feels like to be extremely constipated while having a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 91

By eminem blows cock - 15/06/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 295

You deserved it 9 746

Sleepy Joe

By Justin - 22/02/2023 10:00

Today, I learned that all the caffeine my body can handle and boundless energy will not stop me from yawning. Thirty times in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 131

Downhill from here

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 18:00

Today, I'm two months pregnant and can only seem to eat plain food consisting of mostly cheese. Now I’m constipated and haven’t pooped in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 189

Next

Top comments

Seeya55 31

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:56

Just drink Decaf. Same effects, minus the caffeine and angry bitch!

raven_of_azarath 34

Sunday 1 October 2017 18:35

One of my friends in grade school constantly sang a parody of Avril Lavigne's Complicated, titled Constipated.

Comments

Richard Coco 2

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:16

don't lose sight of the end goal. keep going, no matter what. those who truly support you will understand.

exileonmainst 16

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:33

"Constipated".. Look at you with your big, fancy college words!

Seeya55 31

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:59

Id almost say you're meta, but we used 'constipated' with potty humor in grade school.

exileonmainst 16

Sunday 1 October 2017 14:21

Yeah, fair enough. Not my best work.

raven_of_azarath 34

Sunday 1 October 2017 18:35

One of my friends in grade school constantly sang a parody of Avril Lavigne's Complicated, titled Constipated.

Cali 54

Tuesday 3 October 2017 21:32

I bet that's the Weird Al version! I knew a lot of his covers of hit songs before I heard the songs themselves. "Hot In Here" is forever ruined.

duhoh 3

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:33

Caffeine-free is good for what? I can't either way though..

DarthPaulGames 11

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:52

I decided to take coffee out of my diet. Trust me it's bad for a few months but gets better over time for all problems which it's making. Good luck!

kmarie22_613e 25

Friday 6 October 2017 2:19

Months? I'm barely a week in an miserable!

Seeya55 31

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:56

Just drink Decaf. Same effects, minus the caffeine and angry bitch!

mattyiscool123 26

Monday 2 October 2017 5:06

Same effects? Not really

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 1 October 2017 16:16

Why would you turn your back on caffeine? Hasn’t it been a reliable and loyal molecule for you your whole life? Repent to the bitter, brown god and you will be rewarded with evacuated bowels.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 1 October 2017 17:25

C’mon, Sarah, quit dicking around with weak, namby-pamby stimulants. Put on your big-girl pants and dive into the coke!

davecross 11

Sunday 1 October 2017 19:54

Take a laxative and you will feel much better

Mongo999 9

Sunday 1 October 2017 22:53

Yea, sure, it's the caffeine!

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

Monday 2 October 2017 7:47

I've been coffein free for 18 years now. try and beat that...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 407

Today, I tried to nicely talk to my daughter about her rapid weight gain. Having a family history of weight-related illness, I felt it was necessary. I offered to get thyroid tests, teach her to buy healthy food, and start routine exercise. She told everyone I called her a cow and had fat-shamed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 192

The Top

Today, my wife and I got back from our cruise ship holiday. It was intended to be ten nights of relaxation and romance. The first five nights she had her period, and the next five nights I had painful welts on my tip from the mess in my swim shorts. Ten days later, no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 091

You deserved it 460

Today, for the third night in a row, I didn't get any sleep, because my neighbor's new dog won't stop barking when the wind blows. Where I live, we get major wind gusts most days of the week. It's going to be another long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 86

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 549

You deserved it 9 440

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 300

You deserved it 3 275

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 079

You deserved it 3 868

Today, I have six exams next week, and as of this morning, I also have appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 66