Health and Poopoo peepee: All bunged up

All bunged up

By Buzz - 01/10/2017 13:00

Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 054

You deserved it 725

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Same thing different taste

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 330

You deserved it 441

Source?

By Yudith - 11/03/2024 07:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I can't drink coffee anymore due to its turbo-diarrhea effect on me. I also have to take something with caffeine everyday or I will have a migraine, so I drink Diet Coke. Today, I saw on TV that even two cans of soda a week erase the heart health gains made during exercise. Goodbye, healthy hearth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 221

Strung out

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 16:30 - Australia

Today, I realised just how caffeine dependent I am. I didn't have time for my morning coffee, work is out of milk, and I only have $1.30 in my bank account, so I couldn't buy a coffee. Today has been a struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 617

Stimulating

By animositykilledthecatfs - 29/11/2023 03:00 - United States - Cookeville

Today, I drank two and a half Panera charged lemonades to feel more motivated and ended up feeling itchy and overstimulated due to the lethal caffeine-sugar combo and got nothing done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 612

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 499

You deserved it 8 796

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 125

You deserved it 7 964

Sounds fun

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 19:00 - United States - Chester

Today, I discovered what it feels like to be extremely constipated while having a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 91

By eminem blows cock - 15/06/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 296

You deserved it 9 747

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 96

Sleepy Joe

By Justin - 22/02/2023 10:00

Today, I learned that all the caffeine my body can handle and boundless energy will not stop me from yawning. Thirty times in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 131

Seeya55 31

Sunday 1 October 2017 13:56

Just drink Decaf. Same effects, minus the caffeine and angry bitch!

raven_of_azarath 34

Sunday 1 October 2017 18:35

One of my friends in grade school constantly sang a parody of Avril Lavigne's Complicated, titled Constipated.

Comments

onceuponatime456 16

Monday 2 October 2017 16:55

Caffeine leaves your system after 24 hours. You must have been that way before you ever started drinking coffee!

shortyybrooke 21

Monday 2 October 2017 18:09

This is my spirit animal.

acmariner99 25

Monday 2 October 2017 21:37

Don’t be a quitter, Coffee will forgive you!

xnider 5

Friday 1 February 2019 5:59

I think you need to get ...k to release some stress

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weird Shopping My ex Awkward Relatable Family Racism Love AITA Kids Cheating Work Break-ups Cute Cats Animals Sex Intimacy Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Psychology Health Mental health Neighbours Cops Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, just as I was starting to get better with my depression through medication and therapy, my partner decided we needed to break up. He's been completely unsupportive and hasn’t cared. I’m just sad that this worsens my depression more than missing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 155

Today, I was sick during the night and had to puke. I had no bucket or trashcan nearby, so I ended up puking on the floor. However, because it was so dark, I didn't notice my cat lying in the exact spot where I puked. She was not amused, giving me the mother of all death glares before she started puking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 122

The Top

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 232

You deserved it 22 093

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 7 707

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 785

You deserved it 7 698

Today, according to my wife, our life together is perfect. The only problem is that I no longer turn her on, haven’t for a while, so she wants my permission to have meaningless one-night stands with strangers on Tinder while carrying on with our perfect, sexless married life together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 188

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 275

You deserved it 26 774

Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 608

You deserved it 5 700