Intimacy: Absolute beginners

Absolute beginners

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 20:00 - Spain - Ripollet

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 896

You deserved it 5 961

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 266

You deserved it 7 762

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 6 456

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 733

You deserved it 5 982

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 074

You deserved it 6 437

Romantic afterglow

By easyontheeyes1 - 01/05/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 21/08/2014 21:24 - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 787

You deserved it 6 723

By quickfingers100 - 22/07/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 901

You deserved it 10 713

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 665

You deserved it 15 183

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 809

You deserved it 4 626

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 130

You deserved it 8 212

Welshite 39

Monday 14 July 2014 5:17

He was just so over-whelmed. I would take it as a compliment if I were you.

pjsr 32

Monday 14 July 2014 5:17

Aww - they took his breath away!

Comments

GingerRoot 13

Monday 14 July 2014 12:05

Sooo many guys get that way when they see boobs :p really they are just boobs!

PassiveAggresive 12

Monday 14 July 2014 12:31

I would take that as a compliment. He was overwhelmed and probably very excited.

sabine123_fml 5

Monday 14 July 2014 12:51

Wimp

Goblin182 26

Monday 14 July 2014 13:20

You must have one hell of a rack.

patient_zero 1

Monday 14 July 2014 13:42

That's awesome. I would take that as a compliment.

nomoreparty 11

Monday 14 July 2014 15:18

Time to play "pick-a-boob"

shinikageWolf 15

Monday 14 July 2014 16:56

That is your super power. "ASPHYXIATE THEM BREASTS!"

DylanHasClass 17

Monday 14 July 2014 17:11

Thats very overwhelming..

blue4d 5

Monday 14 July 2014 17:26

You life is definitely f'd...

Mauskau 35

Monday 14 July 2014 19:42

I hope he's seen you without a bra on before that, as it kinda helps if they've seen it before. Maybe?

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The Top

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 049

You deserved it 39 411

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not two minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 135

The Top

Today, after waking up from a bad migraine which caused my teeth to clench, I found out that I broke a molar. A dentist told me it split down to the bone, so I need root canal and an extended crown. Then they told me the tooth below had also broke and has to be pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 70

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 137

You deserved it 6 143

Today, I realized I'm a failure as a man. It's been 17 years since a woman even touched me. I grew up fatherless, have completely lost hope for any chance of a wife or kids. I'm 35 and never been in a relationship. I'm a complete failure because of all this, and have become a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 365

Today, I came home after a month to dog poop everywhere. Not because my dog is untrained, but because my brother is too lazy to clean the backyard and there’s nowhere left for them to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 243

You deserved it 305

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 882

You deserved it 9 402

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 905

You deserved it 492