Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML
Part of the furniture
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Nuts
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
It's Caturday, respect our feline leaders
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Top comments
DragonDude 24
That was the plan all along. You're just the cat's slave.
odell687 3
I wouldn't share my fort with anyone either.
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Comments (101)
DragonDude 24
That was the plan all along. You're just the cat's slave.
martialart1st18 19
The cat manipulated you OP
NoWayLady 13
"No Humans Allowed!"
OctoDope 15
Its just like ancient Egypt all over again!
ItsATwinThing 9
My cat was one of those "I love you, but don't molly coddle me." He loved being around us, liked being stroked but if you tried to hug him or hold him close, he'd wriggle free and give you a look of disstain.
YoureABuzzkill 9
*disdain Most cats are evil. If I leave a drink anywhere near my cat and leave the room for a second, I'll come back to see her dipping her paws in it. Every time. She's trying to poison me...it's not safe.
katina1236 20
I'll take having the cat dipping it's paws in the drink. Mine knocks anything with liquid to the ground. Ruined my laptop 5 years ago
thespiantess 18
While I was reading these comments, my evil cat approached me for the first time today and tried to act all cute and distract me. I think they know we know. They're up to something.
Undeadman141 8
Damn. That's aggressive.
zBLAKEz 23
Have you never had a cat?
Bekll 31
To be honest, not all cats are aggressive. A lot of times it depends on the breed and even the upbringing. Some cats can live their whole lives as sweet as ever and others turn on you no matter what you try to do to make them happy (or because you overstimulated them). But I love them all the same, speaking as someone who is owned by five of them.
strawberrywine22 30
It's called a joke, genius.
Soloman212 28
It's really just defensive. The best defense is a good offense, and Sir Kittysmith Flufford isn't surrendering to OP's siege that easily!
mb2_native 15
27, I just moved out in September, and got a kitten, ended up giving it away about 4 days later. She loved to cuddle and all that but I had work and the girlfriend school so we gave her to someone with a more free schedule. Would having a schedule being 10am-6pm matter to own a cat?
Hiimhaileypotter 52
#60- To own a kitten, yes it would matter because kittens need time spent with them and a lot of playtime. To a fully-grown cat those hours wouldn't be too bad because they sleep most of the time anyway.
Rababco 29
@27 Sounds like the difference between our two cats. Our female tabby-calico, Ghana doesn't like to be held and seems to get mad at just about any form of affection; she does this weird growl/meow when she gets angry. Our male black Bombay-mix, Butler is affectionate and attention-needy but also very playful and mischievous; he doesn't really meow either, it's more like an adorable cry.
Bekll 31
#73 My oldest cat at 17 is a confusing mix of your two. She loves to be petted and held, but within minutes bites and scratches you. Then she gets mad we have to put her down, wanting more petting which made her mad in the first place. Another loves affection and his brother runs from it. Cats are a silly bunch.
mb2_native 15
It must've been a little confusing to a kitten, but she's in a lot better place then she first was, I got rid of most of the fleas and let the new owner know what to do and get. I'm gunna wait until summer when the girlfriend is always home to get another one :p by the end of the summer that car should be okay, right?
Rababco 29
@86 That's one confusing cat, you just can't make her happy can you?
odell687 3
I wouldn't share my fort with anyone either.
SimplyBird 9
Kinda like me when I was little and I made cushion forts. And I clawed my parents when they intruded... Wait, you did that too right?
tpm45 25
Actually I threw blocks at anyone who got too close.
dachayke 16
Hell, I pulled out an AK-47. No one messed with my cushions.
TheLittleBear 19
A little privacy please!
TheTeacher34 5
Thats what "meow" means.Me owns you:)
SimplyBird 9
That's a bit of a stretch...
applebramble 22
I guess you're more into birds #7
asherm 15
You didn't say the password, or bring the catnip
warsun 27
Incase OP didn't know i think the password was "Human slave, cat master"
blockWhat 2
The password was swordfish. Failing that, tuna.
Roskie 16
Knock it down then. Ungrateful bastard.
Jasmeent11 15
I'm confused here. Are you saying that the cat is an ungrateful bastard?
zevo1415 10
How are you confused? Who else would it be?
Jasmeent11 15
That's exactly why I'm confused, Mr. Smart. I didn't realise cats could be ungrateful bastards.
Dthsapprntc 23
Of course they are ungrateful bastards, they take it for granted that you cater to their every whim, and they are all born out of wedlock. Being an ungrateful bastards is pretty much standard procedure for cats. I still think they are awesome.
Jasmeent11 15
#36 I think I love you.
Dthsapprntc 23
Eeerrrrrrrmmmm, I'm flattered, but not available..........
Jasmeent11 15
I was messing around. God, people on this site are such pessimists, with their little thumbs.
Jasmeent11 15
You probably surprised her, and that was her natural instinct.
little_one1 14
Cats have incredible hearing. Unless it was sleeping I doubt OP was scratched because the cat was surprised.
XxXBadAshXxX 27
Obviously it's no humans allowed.