Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
RIP Travis
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Tiger-ed out
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Straight to jail
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
Beware!
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Top comments
perdix 31
The funny thing is that the OP's daughter is 28.
Wiag 8
some peoples children
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Comments (65)
Wiag 8
some peoples children
DefiningDivine 13
I would guess His parents were somewhere else. Because I know if I were to say that infront of my parents when I was younger, there would be hell.
jisaac09 25
Parents have changed since you and I have grown up. Parents don't discipline their kids like they used to. I am not defending the punishments of earlier generations, it is leaving for a reason, but most parents haven't replaced it with anything even remotely effective. My bet was that the parents were there trying their best to control their kids to no avail. They won't control their animals at home but think they'll act better in public.
MuseFan1991 14
i can imagine them standing there screaming at them til they're blue in the face, but not actually punishing them for ignoring them. it's something i see all to regularly nowadays. god, i sound so old
kozzard 17
38-the punishments from earlier generations need to be defended. When we were growing up, people knew how to behave in public, and also knew the consequences of not behaving. Now, I work at Wal-Mart, everyday I see kids wrecking merchandise, throwing tantrums, and the parents just ignore it. These brats are growing up thinking that they don't have to respect anyone or their property, and that throwing a tantrum is how you get things in life.
zero4life123 7
I'm I like the only one who watches pawn stars here? "Some people's children"
crap1crap2crap3 7
Some of people's children like lemurs. I AM ONE OF THOSE CHILDREN.
perdix 31
The funny thing is that the OP's daughter is 28.
anythingmustbe 18
Could someone explain this comment?
MidnaLink 35
How the hell would you know that?
perdix 31
#35, I was the one yelling "MONKEY *****!"
21jason 9
35) it's okay some people are just slower then others.
Since1998 20
35) it‘s sort of obvious that you cannot tell that the commentor who made that post was joking...
MidnaLink 35
Look at 33, he didn't get the joke either!
DanielT1994 19
35, You can actually tell that Perdix was joking. Perdix always jokes, so you can safely assume that he's joking.
Sofia94_fml 15
Tell her quietly what it means, I mean yea she may be too young for it (unless she knows the meaning and is just trying to be annoying), but she will probably be embarrassed then and stop saying it
Sofia94_fml 15
But is she's old enough, then she's just embarrassing herself
CheeseHater 23
But really, I don't think she's going to stop saying it because she knows what it is. When I was little and found out that there were several, harsher words for "penis" I didn't want to stop saying those for a month. I'm assuming this kid will be the same.
Bibliovore 26
When my partner was just learning to talk, his mother -- who really almost never swears -- screwed up an oil change on the lawn mower and said, "****!" My partner went around repeating that all day. No, he didn't know what it meant; he was maybe a year and a half old and wouldn't really have been able to take it in. Their family was supposed to go to dinner with a preacher the next day and were afraid they'd have to cancel, but when he woke up the next morning it had morphed into "duck," so suddenly counted as adorable instead of appalling.
Cupcake040 17
I agree with everyone else that kids just repeat words at a younger age and often trying to explain what it means will get you absolutely no where----plus honestly if the daughter is as young as most people are assuming would you really want her knowing what the word monkey **** means.......that'd be a great thing to share in a kindergarden class (depending if the definition or anything similar actually gets through to her).
HelenLFC 27
Don't react, then your daughter will stop.
SWC_Penguin 17
You don't have a lot of experience with kids, do you? My daughter will repeat a phrase from a movie 6,000 times even when she's by herself in her room, unaware that I can hear her.
alexafml 5
Haha, my place has really thin walls and the kids next door keep singing one line out of a song over and over and over and I can hear it every time. I wish I could tell them to be quiet but they're just being kids, and they're not mine.
kakarot2 11
One thing is repeating words from a tv show and another is a temper tantrum. You ignore kids that are doing that in order to make them stop by not reinforcing the behavior. Either that or you spank them really hard so the shut up.
Kal3Y 12
OP, be firm with your child. Warn her that if she keeps saying that, she will get in trouble. If she continues to repeat it, follow through with what you said and discipline her. (I would just take her toys away, but I guess how you punish her is up to you.) I'm sure she'll stop soon. I'm sorry that she had to be exposed to such foul language. :
Welshite 40
You're a nun. You shouldn't be shouting such things like that, much less stepping foot into a strip club. Maybe you are a naughty nun... ;)
Kitten_Calderon 14
Man oh man... I would tell her that ***** is not acceptable for her to say, nip it in the bud right there. If she continues I would take her right out of the zoo and go home. Then follow with the no toys thing
kishorekumar_a 10
I think 'No chocolate' will work better...
truesarrif 33
so you are suggesting to nip the **** talk.. I believe adding nips to this would only exasperate the situation further.
Kitten_Calderon 14
"Nip It in the bud" Is an expression to say you would stop something before it becomes more of an issue. I wouldn't mention nips around a kid.
martinez121797 15
Tell her it's a bad word little kids are scared of saying a bad word!
SomeRandomGuy15 18
No. No they're not.
MuseFan1991 14
if anything, they think it's funny because they're saying something they shouldn't
procrastinator91 4
Tell her that princesses wouldn't say those bad words :)
Bakarra 22
Monkey hear monkey say? Did I get that right?
cb1002630 11
Monkey see monkey do
Bakarra 22
Ah yes but for the sake of this particular fml I think this one fit eh?