Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of five days proposed to me at the mall. FML
Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML
Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML
Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML
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