Mr Hexham, Northumberlaqnd 34 years-old
Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
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