Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML
Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML
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