Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML
Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML
Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML
Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML
Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML
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