Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML
Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML
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