Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML
Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML
Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML
Today, I found out that my best friend pays my boyfriend to this day to take me out. FML
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