nekofrau

Keep cool

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm… Your house is on fire." FML

Today, I found my elderly neighbour on all fours in my garden eating my flowers. FML

I'm happy for you, but…

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML