shizhappenz

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Shizhappenz's favorite FMLs

The bitch is back

By thatsucks - 28/02/2009 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, "I just dropped the bitch off, I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

agreeclassic 1 291 219

vote type 1 143 532

By sam_666777 - 30/08/2014 02:54 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 41 072

vote type 1 10 415

To boldly go where no man has gone before

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

agreeclassic 49 281

vote type 1 6 053

By CanWeAllGetOne - 13/11/2013 06:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

agreeclassic 52 928

vote type 1 14 089

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 10:05 - United States - Palmdale

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

agreeclassic 25 516

vote type 1 49 371