Glasklart

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML