Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, on my way to work, I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
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