suiteman

Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML

Today, I got more happy birthday wishes on my porn account than my Facebook. FML

Creepypasta

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML