Sam_d07

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Dhahran, KSA

Sam_d07

Don't like to write these stuff. Feel free to ask.

Sam_d07 -

Sam_d07

lovers5201

Sam_d07

Caught

Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

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Pregnancy woes

Spraylady - 29/02/2016 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

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OhWhoCares - 17/08/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

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OhWhoCares

OhWhoCares 42

Tuesday 18 August 2015 17:18

I got an FML published!!! Lol wow and I submitted it when I was still pretty upset I didn't think it'd get published :P Okay anyway I ended up calling the police and they were able to find him, along with my books and apparently a ton of other stuff since he'd been robbing people all day and drugs. Hopefully this isn't an omen or anything about my upcoming semester...

fire starter - 16/08/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

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Anonymous - 15/08/2015 09:32 - Canada - Prince George

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

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