Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML
Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML
Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML
Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML
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Top comments
heyyou1203 0
:-( sorry dude, you were doing a great deed and you got injured. I'd still give you a pat on the back though.
lowfiwhiteguy 0
AICD's have been around for a long time. they work the same as the pads, sending massive wattage across your heart and will cause a convulsion in the limbs. go google it ffs.
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Comments (136)
mattiscool 0
lmao!
Dunebuggy569 5
Good sir I respect the sacrafice of your balls for her life. Haha
wanted_2_want 40
That must've been a shocking experience. LOL
musiclover727 0
internal defibrillator? no such thing. good try
katie_bby 0
lmfao, wowwwwww, fail.
Hunthas 17
the same thing happened to me, except with raccoons :(
TurtleGenius 0
Bet wou weren't expecting to get any action with her...
canttaketheheat 0
it would be very sad if the only action he could hat was from an inconcious woman who wasn't breathing
meepmerp 20
Shut up #114
losergirl 0
...false. Internal defibrillator? I think you need to take the CPR class. You obviously haven't been paying attention.
yer_maw 1
punched in the nuts by a passed out woman, yass.
v42136 0
I didn't your mom last night
VioletStrange 0
haha, FAIL.
wordup91 0
#2, honestly? there is this new website called google, you might want to try it out sometime. http://www.defibinfo.com/internal-defibrillator/
hopiee 0
touchy touchy D:
gertrude7 9
2 & 5... yes, it exists. I looked it up, and apparently it's something put into people with a high risk for cardiac problems. Like, similar to a pacemaker or something...