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The all-time greatest FMLs

My body hates me

By spaceylaceyjane - 02/12/2022 12:00 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, and after always saying that I didn't want kids and realizing that I actually do, I’ve started having the worst periods every 14 days like clockwork. Looks like the Universe doesn’t want me to have them either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 197

Haunted house

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58 - Germany

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 204

Caught in 4K

By Shocked - 21/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband was cheating on me via the Kiss Cam at the game he went to. A mutual friend, who went to that same game, sent me a photo. My husband had told me he was gonna be working tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 98

Top dog

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - Normanton

Today, my sexist, misogynistic boss showed me a new program we all have to use. After several minutes of him explaining it badly and belittling me for doing it wrong, I opened a sub-folder that showed that I CREATED THE PROGRAM. He walked away, then later wrote me up for "having a bad attitude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 140

The horror!

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 02:00

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend moved into my house and I have now discovered she is one of those evil, unnatural beings: a Morning Person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 544

By LostSoul - 01/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 1 289

Not so BFF

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 16:00 - United States - Spring

Today, I asked out the guy I like, and he said yes. Later, I found out that he used to date my BFF and he broke up with her right before I'd asked him. I left him saying he should have told me earlier and that I would be weird if we dated. I talked to my BFF about it and she got mad at me. She literally didn't even tell me about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 235

Thanks for the memories

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 04:00

Today, I knew my mom wanted to go out to dinner with me and my sisters, and I couldn't remember why, so I called her and said, "Why are we going out to dinner?" and she goes, "Well, we always have." I forgot today's the anniversary of my stepdad dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 601

Lookin' good

By MaL - 07/08/2023 20:00

Today, my little brother compared my new haircut to the one Hermione has in the first Harry Potter movie. I assumed this was a compliment, until my sister said, "Hermione's haircut is really cute" and he replied, "Seriously? She looks like shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 177

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 05:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 216

RIP Keith, miss you

By Anonymous - 18/06/2022 00:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, I was listening to my favorite albums by the Prodigy. Most are from the '90s, with one from 2015. I caught myself thinking about how much better it is than what's out now. It was then that I realized that I AM the old curmudgeon who complains about "today's music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 260

More details please

By Grandma has no filter - 08/12/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I listened to my grandma monologue about how if my uncle was born first, my mother (and consequently, I) would not exist. I then got to listen to her rant about what a terror he was. Let's just say I learned and heard some things I'd rather have not known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 137

Passing the buck

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 18:00 - Thailand - Huai Khwang

Today my boss gathered us to discuss about empowerment, accountability and Objectives and Key Results. My colleague set her OKRs as, “to empower others to do my work for me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 133

Nervous gas

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 03:00

Today, I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and his parents. It was my first time meeting them, so I was a bit nervous. As we were talking, I accidentally let out a loud burp. His parents looked at me in shock, and my boyfriend just laughed and said, "Well, she's certainly comfortable around you two." FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 220

Surprise arrival

By Anonymous - 04/04/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I just got home in a state of shock. My wife was apparently pregnant without realising it, with no weight gain, then she gave birth at 1 a.m. It was supposed to be a normal Sunday then poof, we have a baby and a house we haven’t baby-proofed. We don’t even have nappies or clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 154

Agony Aunt

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 02:00 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, just because I have mental health issues doesn’t mean I’m the god of mental health issues. I don’t know everything. But everyone thinks I do. I want to help but it takes a piece out of me every time someone sends me someone hurting. Yes I help them, but it hurts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 233

Monotony

By Bahi - 12/03/2022 06:00

Today, after I'd bought a daily planner to write down my plans and my accomplishments for this year, we're now in March and it’s completely empty. I realized that I have no goal, no plans, nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 299

Starved

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 22:01

Today, I'm so hopelessly lonely that I've agreed to meet up with my ex for some semblance of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 244

Healthcare in the US is ****** up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 04:01

Today, I was out with friends when one of them started complaining about having to spend $50 on two copays for his therapist. He makes more a week than I do in three, and I can't even get seen by any type of healthcare professional because nowhere is accepting new patients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 96

Was it me?

By PhantomShitter - 29/11/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I read on Facebook that someone shat outside our block of flats. I laughed and showed it to my friend who was with me. She turned to me, and said, "That was you, we were locked outside last night and you needed to pee, but a poo slipped out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 2 392

By touche-à-tout - 15/08/2012 08:08 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I started pulling on all the available levers. Can some one explain to me why the main alarm lever was in the toilet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 86

Always check!

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 12:00 - United States - Bayonne

Today, after eating some fire noodles the day before, I took a nice long poop in my school's bathroom, only to find out there was no toilet paper left in any of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 239

By kk- - 17/06/2019 17:05

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me and I'd chained-smoked all night, I had a driving test. With only 3 hours of sleep, I literally drove through a red light during the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 2 988

Too realistic

By ThatLove - 05/04/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Worb

Today, I had to explain to my housemate that the cast of "The Crown" is not the real Royal Family impersonating themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 113

Batshit soup

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 18:00 - United States - St. Petersburg

Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 108

Let me sleep!

By Anonymous - 06/11/2022 00:00

Today, I'm freshly unemployed and so exhausted from my former job that I can actually really use the rest. Too bad that, for reasons ranging from cat noises to period emergencies, I have woken up at 6 a.m. for 4 days in a row now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 183

LOL

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 02:00

Today, I was told that my laugh sounds like Krusty the Clown. It really does. Now I can't unhear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 155

Countersuit

By SientoBenteCar - 11/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 88

Eat to the beat

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, working at McDonald’s, I get lunch money on top of my salary. Well, actually I don’t *get* the money, I can eat the money. No freestyling though, only items that are actually on the menu. I guess my health and my figure won’t be lovin' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 308

The Force is jealous in this one

By Anonymous - 05/08/2022 04:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend has been nothing but nice about our separation, and I’ve been slowly removing my stuff from her house, until she found out I have a new girlfriend just a few tiny years younger than her. She ran over my box of replica lightsabers with her work van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 1 512

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The Top

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 774

You deserved it 2 373

Today, the maintenance man for my apartment “fixed” my toilet from constantly running. Now it won’t flush. I learned this after I took a huge dump. My boyfriend was over to spend the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 253

Today, the girl of my dreams rejected my advances once again. This is a girl who’s had her heart broken over and over again by cheaters and abusers. She can’t even recognize something great, even if it’s staring at her in the face. What do I have to do to end her vicious cycle of endless heartbreak? FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 1 910

Today, I was at my usual grocery store when an elderly lady smiled at me and said, "It's so nice to see a young person not obsessed with their appearance." I was dressed in sweats, I hadn't showered, and hadn't brushed my hair. I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 372

Today, I was in the bathroom trying to unclog my constipated ass when my cat pushed the door open and walked in. She sat and stared at me for a good 10 minutes. Then, as if she had seen enough, she started loudly meowing for no reason. It was like she was judging me for reading a book she didn't approve of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 139

Today, my wife of 9 years told me she wants a divorce all because I refuse to legally adopt her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 539