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The all-time greatest FMLs

Entitled

By hate this job - 09/06/2021 19:59

Today, a 300 lb woman caused a huge scene at the public pool where I work. She accused me of fatshaming and swore to sue me for discrimination. I asked her to cover up, as her 3x too small string bikini went against the pool’s dress code. I don’t make the rules, I just have to enforce them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 126

Jonah begs to differ

By JOTA - 07/10/2020 10:02 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 379

Restraining order time

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 16:00

Today, my abusive ex-boyfriend yet again decided to eat at the restaurant I work at. It’s traumatizing to me, and I think that’s why he does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 179

You'll understand when you're older

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 17:01 - United States - Livonia

Today, my mom told me the night before our school trip that I’m not going so she could get a refund. Now I have to stay alone with my mom for a week, while my friends are having the time of their life in NYC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 145

Weird family

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 14:01 - United States - Gloucester

Spicy

Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 173

Exploitation

By Collie - 19/08/2022 18:00

Today, my boss told me that due to a colleague resigning, I have to do some of her job until they find a replacement. I asked if I’ll be getting compensated for the extra work/time, and he said no because of budget issues. I said that wasn’t fair. He responded, “Well, life ain’t fair, get used to it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 182

You better watch out…

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 12:00

Today, a boy asked me out, and I immediately learned just how much it stinks to have 4 overprotective rugby player older brothers, an overprotective marine corps dad, and an overprotective two-star general grandfather. As a bonus, mom is an overprotective police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 154

If you tolerate this, then your children will be next

By single again - 15/05/2022 14:00

Today, my now ex and I had a fight because I refuse to tolerate his best friend's raging misogyny and racism. I told him that laughing at those jokes and tolerating those behaviors is just as bad as him doing it himself. He claims it’s not, because he’s dating me and I’m half black so "it’s OK”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 309

Pissed off

By Pissed - 29/09/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, I found out a recent hook-up, who’d pounded the fuck out of me until I came all over didn’t get uncomfortable and ghost me “because he was just a fuck boy.” It was probably because a noticeable, large part of the sweat/squirt spot on my bed after, was actually my own piss, I just didn’t smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 1 353

Dad of the year

By Anonymous - 16/12/2022 21:00

Today, my dad told me that people requiring psychiatric treatment are just weak and pathetic, and what they really need is a kick up the ass and to get a fucking grip. He told me this not 30 seconds after my doctor recommended I spend some time in a facility for my severe depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 161

Wanker horn

By gran ruined masturbation - 01/06/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 187

Bridezilla

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 06:00

Today, it was supposed to be my wedding but my fiancé insisted we be married by his childhood priest, a real bible thumper. This arsehole tried to change our vows at the altar and told me wives should know their place, so I slapped him and the wedding is delayed until we get a new priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 241

Alexa, play 4'33" by John Cage

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 17:00

Today, I was the first to sign up to play the national anthem for my school, at one of my volleyball games. My teacher told me she would bring my sheet music. She didn’t. So I just sat there, awkwardly, not playing my cello. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 245

Living his best life

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 06:00

Today, my husband, who I love more than anything, announced that he was gay, couldn't live a lie anymore, and moved out of the house. I'm utterly devastated, and when I tried to cry to my friends, they said I should celebrate his courage and stop being selfish, then ran off to party with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 124

Read the room

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 14:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I finally opened up to my roommates about when I came out as gay to my parents, and how I was beaten and disowned over it. One roommate saw this as the perfect time to hit on me, since he's also gay and thought I was hot, but wasn't sure if I swung that way. Glad he was so invested in me pouring my guts out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 291

Toilet drama

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 17:01

Today, I'd always thought the scene in Scrubs when JD passes out while pooping was hilarious, until it happened to me. I recently found out I have a heart defect that can cause me to pass out if my blood pressure rises, and yes, I did pass out on the toilet and woke up covered in my own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 139

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 139

Don't let me be misunderstood

By sadfacemaking - 20/07/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend bought me a ring for my birthday. My dad now refuses to talk to me, because he thinks I'm engaged. My boyfriend thinks it's funny, because he'd never marry me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 148

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Spicy

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 178

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 05:00

Today, my house cleaner discovered I cross-dress as she was cleaning. She found the pretty nightgowns I wear to bed and other items. Now she wants extra money or she will make my cross dressing public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 388

ASMR

By Crucible101 - 24/08/2020 08:07

Today, I listened to a recording of a woman saying, "I love you" for about 30 mins straight. That's apparently the only way I can feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 323

But I love her…

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my son's girlfriend and I’m convinced he’s lost his damn mind. She was rude, racist and offensive, grossly obese, absolutely stank of unwashed body odour, her clothes were filthy, and she dropped cigarette ash everywhere she felt like it. I’m stunned, completely stunned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 153

Miserable

By Éponine - 12/06/2020 17:03

Today, as an aspiring performer, I tried to practice crying on demand by singing "A Little Fall of Rain" and "On My Own" from Les Misérables. It was all going well, until my nose started running uncontrollably and no tears actually came out of my eyes. Maybe acting isn't for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 294

Inferiority complex

By jonatthon - 30/10/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my girlfriend met my brother who, despite being 10 years older, is taller, smarter, slimmer, richer, more handsome, and just objectively better in every way. He always has been. An hour ago, she broke up with me. Meeting my brother convinced her she'd settled for me and could do better with almost anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 171

How could you?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 00:00

Today, it's been weeks since my teenage kids have walked the dog I got them; they also don’t play with it, pay it any attention, or feed it. It’s all been me, so since I never wanted it in the first place, I gave it to a friend of my mom's. My kids now think I’m the devil and my husband says I overreacted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 438

What?

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my hearing is average for a 60-year-old. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 135

Unionize

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 00:01

Today, my coworker has once again called in and asked me to cover her shift. She does this for every single one of her shifts, and my boss told me that if I don’t cover it, I’ll be fired. I used to have a life, but not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 147

Good boy, best boy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 14:01

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 421

Conundrum

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 04:30 - Australia - Albury

Spicy

Today, I'm in love with a beautiful Russian woman. We are so compatible. However, I'm in a relationship though, in which my partner won't touch me or tell me she loves me. I'm in trouble every day for anything and everything. I'm faithful even though I've only had sex maybe 5 times in the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 961

Paranoid android

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I hit my target weight for the first time since high school. As a result, my girlfriend refuses to hook up with me, because her slutty cousins are now too interested in me, and she assumes I'm leading them on. I've never met them in person, because they live in Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 204

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The Top

Today, I picked up my car after I got it painted. As I backed up in the parking lot, my car scraped against a pillar. Now I have to put it right back in the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 558

You deserved it 13 949

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 087

You deserved it 4 435

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 010

You deserved it 3 033

Today, I saw a neglected potted palm tree on the front porch of what I thought was an empty house down the street from me. I took it home to nurse it back to health. When I got home from work, it was gone. Later, when taking a walk, I spotted the palm, right back on the porch I'd taken it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 2 669

Today, while on Grindr, I met a guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off. After chatting for a bit, I received a message from his wife, telling me I'd better leave him alone. This isn't the first time that's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 307

Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 371