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Can't take it anymore

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 42 088

vote type 1 6 607

Thanks!

By leem - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Zoersel

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

agreeclassic 41 903

vote type 1 3 281

The mailman

By fuckfuck - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

agreeclassic 41 882

vote type 1 3 423

Gravel?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

agreeclassic 41 826

vote type 1 4 322

Whoops

By mmv - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

agreeclassic 41 541

vote type 1 2 209

No beer for you

By PerfectVision - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

agreeclassic 41 425

vote type 1 3 296

Oh really? No way!

By verydepressed - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Russian Federation - Seversk

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

agreeclassic 41 326

vote type 1 3 760

Welcome to adulthood

By Jane - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

agreeclassic 41 305

vote type 1 6 281

I am the passenger

By jreed509 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster, I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough, it somehow managed to survive and fall down my shirt. It crawled around and stung me a few times before the ride ended. FML

agreeclassic 41 224

vote type 1 4 164

Lazy ass

By crizzy - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

agreeclassic 41 116

vote type 1 4 334

Tedious

By anon - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from a great babysitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

agreeclassic 40 980

vote type 1 16 390

Ah, those were the times…

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Ely

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

agreeclassic 40 887

vote type 1 4 605

Cats rule

By Respect101 - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

agreeclassic 40 867

vote type 1 27 911

They're indoctrinating our children… with pranks!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my eight year-old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mindfucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

agreeclassic 40 821

vote type 1 4 008

Sleigh bells

By dude, where's my balls? :( - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

agreeclassic 40 811

vote type 1 3 469

Dude, where's my car?

By not_so_sweet_sixteen - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a three month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

agreeclassic 40 723

vote type 1 56 293

Freakout

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

agreeclassic 40 628

vote type 1 4 383

Forever young

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I'd gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student here. This happens all the time. FML

agreeclassic 40 578

vote type 1 3 750

You OK dude?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working as a hotel guard, I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes, I realized he was dead. FML

agreeclassic 40 570

vote type 1 11 108

Great timing, dude

By misswhiskers - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

agreeclassic 40 517

vote type 1 3 446

I'm a loser baby

By cooldude - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

agreeclassic 40 446

vote type 1 8 269

Busted

By newniece - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

agreeclassic 40 427

vote type 1 2 619

By the book

By boohoo - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Ireland

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

agreeclassic 40 155

vote type 1 6 204

Thanks Dave, good one

By tech_support - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

agreeclassic 40 118

vote type 1 4 622

With friends like these…

By marz88 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

agreeclassic 40 109

vote type 1 7 254

Chill zone

By notnicefools - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

agreeclassic 40 058

vote type 1 2 368

Photoshopped

By Noname - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

agreeclassic 39 967

vote type 1 4 048

What the hell am I doing here?

By weirdome23 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

agreeclassic 39 800

vote type 1 8 733

How very dare you?

By PainStressLife - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Dublin

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

agreeclassic 39 723

vote type 1 3 442

911 is a joke

By Lauren Smith - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

agreeclassic 39 717

vote type 1 6 263

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

agreeclassic 36 815

vote type 1 7 889

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

agreeclassic 54 194

vote type 1 19 266

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

agreeclassic 48 828

vote type 1 7 530

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

agreeclassic 84 482

vote type 1 6 482

Today, I was invited to a friend's wedding. When I got there, I was surprised to see that it was a surprise wedding, meaning I wasn’t invited at all. I stood there awkwardly for an hour, until the bride's mother finally noticed me and whispered, "You're not on the guest list, are you?" FML

agreeclassic 406

vote type 1 108

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

agreeclassic 24 997

vote type 1 4 279