The Top

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Reunited

By Anonymous - 07/04/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I finally located all seven of my younger siblings, who I abandoned to foster care when I was 15, after our parents were deported back to Mexico. Each and every one of them told me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 230

Ally

By Anonyme - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, who is going out with someone else now. At least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 976

You deserved it 4 454

Under pressure

By Ew blood - 16/04/2026 15:00 - The Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, at my boyfriend's request, I put on a tennis dress for him. He was so turned on that he got a massive nosebleed and bled all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 114

False economy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 001

You deserved it 27 863

Bitter

By Oshi - 02/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a Venmo request from a guy who I friendzoned when I announced my relationship with another guy on Instagram. He’s backcharging me for all the dinners, auto repair bills, etc., he apparently spent on me. It’s over $4000. I don’t have that kind of money and he’s threatening legal action if I don’t pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 541

It's still around

By Anonymous - 11/05/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, we had to cancel a Disney vacation we had spent thousands of non-refundable dollars planning for over a year because our oldest son tested positive for COVID and we couldn't find anyone to leave him with on such short notice. My other kids are heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 135

What's wrong with me?

By Saddened - 21/06/2026 09:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the gym. This really fat and gross guy got on the machine next to men and I figured he'd hit on me but he didn't even look at me the whole class. Now my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 1 151

Loot

By ScrewedForCheapBag - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 753

You deserved it 2 680

You're not alone

By Anonymous - 12/07/2026 15:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I'm a recovering self-harm addict (yes, that’s a thing). I’ve been doing well for years, but lately I’ve had intense urges to hurt myself by biting or scratching. I know the urges would go away if I acted on them, but I don’t want to hurt my family by hurting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 75

Findom

By fucking bastard - 17/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my husband got paid. I checked our bank account and was shocked to see we'd only received $300. I called him, insisting that there was some mistake. He said he'd started a new bank account in his name so he could manage our money on his own, and the $300 was my "allowance". I now want a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 312

Thanks…

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 599

You deserved it 17 078

Mixed signals

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 25/07/2026 00:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 86

Lost cause

By Lilly - 26/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house after escaping my abusive relationship. My mom scoffed and said, “This is what happens when you move out, barely graduated high school, with a bum.” When I told her I was 3 months pregnant, she said, “And a child out of wedlock? You’re a lost case!” and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 400

Isn't there somebody you forgot to ask?

By poopface82 - 06/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 141

Shotgun

By ferrarismyname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 814

You deserved it 23 767

Panic!

By We almost had a collective panic attack over nothing! - 18/08/2025 20:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I checked Life360 to see how close my dad was to home. His profile stopped moving for several minutes, then it greyed out and the app said he couldn't be found. My mom and I thought something terrible had happened. After one very stressful half hour, he appeared. His phone had gone into airplane mode… somehow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 426

Moral panic of the day

By I don't even like Roblox - 22/08/2025 09:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I came home to my frantic mom boxing up all the family electronics. She'd heard about the Roblox lawsuit and is now convinced that every inch of the internet is crawling with pedophiles. Now my two little brothers are throwing earsplitting tantrums and I have no way to drown them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

Making whoopee

By Broken trust - 19/09/2025 20:00

Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 104

Always assume you're being watched

By Wilmot - 04/10/2025 00:00

Today, I was alone in the work elevator, so I practiced my “serious professional face” in the mirror. I made finger guns at myself right as the doors opened to reveal three executives from my company. They got in. Nobody said a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 385

Technology hates human

By I HATE THESE MACHINE - 12/10/2025 22:00

Today, I went through a self-checkout at a grocery store. The machine kept repeating, “Please remove the unexpected item in the bagging area.” After five attempts, an employee came over and discovered the “unexpected item” was my own elbow resting on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 411

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 891

You deserved it 9 464

One happy family

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 12:00

Today, I realized whether it's my father, step-bro/sis and even my own mom don't care what happens to me. I stayed away from drugs, have a marriage that is great and kids I love, but none of them can look at me in any way because I have my father's blood. They have no idea I'm extremely suicidal, because I'm quiet about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 109

Enjoy your stay

By Anonymous - 16/11/2025 09:00

Today, I walked into my hotel room, took off my coat and started unpacking. Ten minutes later, an older couple walked in, holding luggage. I'd gone into THEIR room. The receptionist gave me the wrong fob. They were surprisingly calm, but I had to explain why I’d already used one of their towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 88

Reasonable

By Anonymous - 18/11/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend said, "I won't marry you, but I want to spend my life with you." When I told him that upset me, he said, "My ex completely changed once we got married, and I like you as you are now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 158

Office supplies

By Nervous - 04/12/2025 03:00

Today, during a Zoom meeting, I tried to discreetly mute myself before yelling at my printer for jamming again. I wasn’t muted. My whole team listened as I threatened a piece of office equipment with violence. My boss suggested therapy for “Printer anger.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 402

Tattoo backstory needed

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 22:00

Today, I got my boyfriend naked for the first time. He had "Baby Fucker" tattooed over his groin. He had some weird explanation for it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him fucking a baby, and it turned me off massively. I don't think I can keep dating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 86

Pranked

By fucker43 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made the effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 145

You deserved it 4 796

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 305

You deserved it 79 086

Good comeback

By Juice Ko Day! - 27/12/2025 03:00

Today, three minutes into on our Christmas Family Reunion, I got kicked out and now probably permanently. What did I do? My aunt, who NEVER FAILS to do this, did loudly the, "Wow! You've gotten fat!" greeting on me, whereas I responded with an even louder, "And WOW! You've gotten even uglier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 113

You get what you give

By Anonymous - 28/12/2025 22:00

Today, to my horror, I discovered that my husband is cheating on me. My friends and family refuse to support me, stating that, "He cheated on his ex-wife with you, what did you expect?" I honestly thought he was my soulmate and that's why I pursued him. Why can't anyone understand that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 1 299

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The Top

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 901

You deserved it 545

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to bring my obnoxious ex to my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 172

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 872

You deserved it 55 609

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 849

You deserved it 43 309

Today, my boyfriend had a nightmare, talking in his sleep about not hurting himself anymore or "auntie Nat Nat" will put him "back in the home with the mean doctors and the sicky medicine." WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 109

Today, I drove through a drive-through car wash. The steering wheel turned left on it own. I was pretty sure the railing guided the car but my stupid ass turned the wheel to the other side and popped the car off the rails. It crashed into one of the machines and now I have a huge dent to the front of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 1 118