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Gotcha good

By Anonymous - 08/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 178

Badass

By Anonymous - 17/05/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, my little sister beat me at arm-wrestling. I'm a 15 year-old boy and she's 12. It happened in front of our entire extended family and they all laughed hysterically. I tried to act like I let her win, but the truth is that I was trying as hard as I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 229

You OK, lady?

By merp. - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wausau

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 6 220

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 24/06/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned my mom doesn’t have many pictures from my childhood, but she does have a cabinet of police reports, hospital records, letters from teachers and neighbours, letters of lifetime bans from places, bills for damages, court records, and all from before I was 10. Man, I was a bad kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 551

Little shit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 346

You deserved it 3 317

Jog on

By seriously?? - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 2 912

Clever

By Anonymous - 15/07/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son got his furniture delivered: one massive, super comfy armchair for him, followed by the lowest, most angular, most uncomfortable sofa I’ve ever sat on. Turns out he did this on purpose so that guests can’t get comfy and are compelled to leave as quickly as possible. Introverted tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 475

Expert level

By badadvise - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Guadalajara

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 2 672

Catch

By NaniNarcotic - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 971

You deserved it 74 297

History buff

By Squinty6 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my boss lectured me on the evils of alcohol and how it was 'prohibited' during the 1980s. I said nothing because he hates being corrected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 309

You deserved it 4 050

CREEPY!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 22:00

Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 81

Thanks, Dad

By jasonnn - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 2 456

Disrespect

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 588

You deserved it 3 460

Rotation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 736

You deserved it 17 619

Yuletide log

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Dallas

Today, at a Christmas party, a cute girl was making a show of standing under some mistletoe. As I walked over, she quickly moved away in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 059

You deserved it 4 349

Femboys are where it's at

By Sex isn't great anyway - 02/01/2026 15:00

Today, I found out that my husband hasn't wanted sex because he's been fucking the feminine gay guy he works with. I could divorce him, but I like not getting constantly bothered for sex, and I don't want to deal with the stress of divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 214

No good deed

By mjperfetti84 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 840

You deserved it 6 228

What's going on?

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I wanted to surprise my girlfriend by cleaning the entire house while she was at work. I even lit incense to make it extra special. When she came home, she walked in, sniffed, and immediately accused me of "cheating or something" because "only guilt makes you clean this much." She also blamed me for adding more dust by burning incense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 97

That one special feeling

By Chris - 23/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I went to a job interview, and halfway through my perfectly rehearsed answers, my stomach started growling loudly. I tried to keep calm, but then it let out the most embarrassing noise I’ve ever heard. The interviewer paused what he was saying, then said, "Are you hungry or do you need to fart?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 101

Bad idea

By Anonymous - 28/02/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I brought my mom to my work’s annual party. She insisted on meeting my boss and introduced herself as my "very supportive, overly involved mother." To make it worse, she gave him a lecture about how I was “just too shy” to ask for a raise. My boss is now both confused and terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 242

Soggy mess

By Baffled - 04/03/2025 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my wife went and bought a set of fancy, expensive towels and threw all our old towels away. These new towels don't dry. I've been rubbing myself for ten minutes and I'm still wet. How did she buy expensive, broken towels? How do you make a towel that doesn't dry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 92

School sucks

By Anonymous - 07/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had a substitute for science and I was standing at the stationary table when some other guy came over and made the thing wobble. The whole thing fell over and I got all the blame. Then I was sitting with my friends at lunch but another friend came back right when my crush was gonna sit next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 150

Munchies

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was munching on almonds while sitting through a long, boring Teams meeting. I was asked a question unexpectedly, causing me to choke while trying to swallow, right as I put the camera on & turned off mute. Some it sprayed out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 201

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense I…

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, pearlescent liquid soap squirted all over my white pants while washing my hands. I have 6 more hours of work looking like I jizzed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 120

Lonesome tonight

By FriendzonedAFBoi - 23/03/2025 19:00 - United States

Today, I realized that in order to get a girl, I have to lose 100lbs and/or get facial reconstruction. If I meet a girl, we get close, I do everything to make her happy, only to be told, “I only like you as a friend.” I also get told that I’d make a “great boyfriend” yet they don’t choose me. Being overlooked sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 342

Plumbed out

By Jeff101 - 25/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I tried to fix a leaking pipe under the sink. I watched a YouTube tutorial and was feeling confident that I could get the job done. Two hours later, half of the kitchen was practically flooded because I forgot to cut the water off, and scrambled to actually find the main valve, then I had to call an emergency plumber, who showed up, laughed, and fixed it in five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 582

Good start

By Anonymous - 27/03/2025 15:00 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, our new co-worker started her job as member of our customer service team. It took some time to find someone good, so we were very happy to have her. After a few hours of explanation, it was time for her to log into her account with her work e-mail. Then she asked how our company name was written. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 117

Bundled

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I cancelled all my streaming subscriptions and signed up for a “bundle deal” to save money. Turns out the deal was just all my old subscriptions repackaged under a new name. I’m still paying the same price, but now with ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 464

Sneaky

By Blindsided - 22/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me. A friend had brought this to my attention. She was under the impression that we broke up because she’d seen stories of him and another woman. I found out he changed his story settings to hide the specific posts with that other woman from me only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 70

Pop off

By Anonymous - 24/04/2025 20:00 - Germany - Tostedt

Today, I couldn’t wait to get home and get my boyfriend naked, which I did. Although, to be honest, popping every single pimple in the rash on his back was not the kind of foreplay I had had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 122

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 469

You deserved it 3 023

Today, I ran into my ex at our local supermarket. Trying to be aloof, I waved casually, but I misjudged the distance and knocked over a display of canned beans. My ex just stood there, laughing, while I scrambled to rearrange up my mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 389

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 109

You deserved it 1 246

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 862

You deserved it 62 341

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 301

You deserved it 2 900

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 459

You deserved it 2 733