The Top

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Realistic

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told my daughter that it’s important to marry for love. She asked if I married her dad for love, which I did. She thought about it for a second, then said, "Fuck that, I’m marrying me a rich guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 128

Me me me

By Anonymous - 24/01/2026 20:00

Today, some old friends came to visit me after I had my first baby a few weeks ago. When the last friend, who has always been rather self-centered, arrived, she immediately announced her own pregnancy and talked of nothing else for the rest of her stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 85

What's on the menu?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 14:00 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, my doctor wants me to avoid carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. Yes, I am looking for another doctor while I scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 107

Korma is a bitch

By Anonymous - 27/01/2026 20:00

Today, my favourite Indian restaurant, the one restaurant I’ll willingly sit inside instead of getting a takeaway, was shut down. Turns out they were dealing drugs from the back door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 81

Honesty

By bridezilla - 31/12/2014 07:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, "No way" or "It looks great on you", I accidentally said, "Yeah, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 482

You deserved it 35 451

Single and desperate

By Jenni - 29/01/2026 03:00

Today, I realized how single I truly am when I blurted out "Yes!" as soon as the priest asked the bride, "Do you take this man…" The bride was my sister and you could hear a pin drop after I blurted it out before she had a chance to respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 551

Welcome back!

By Terry - 21/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, my girlfriend works for a company that cleans VRBOs, so while she went to see family for a week, I asked her coworkers to come clean while she was gone, even the owner of the company showed up, They deep-cleaned house, but when she got home I got yelled at for a dirty coffee mug on my desk. The coffee was still warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 124

Setup

By Lenore - 03/02/2026 00:00

Today, I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. My husband said we should “adapt, not panic” and brought lubricant from the garage. It had a skull warning on it. Apparently I married an engineer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 90

Hold on…

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home and my elderly mum was on the house phone on hold. She had rung the number next to a crossword to complain that the crossword was unsolvable because they'd made a spelling mistake. I looked at the display; she’d been on hold for 6 hours at £1 a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 73

Whiplash

By Anonymous - 05/02/2026 03:00

Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 57

Guess I'm going to Boston

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 16:00

Today, I woke up with a hangover. Reading my texts and emails, I then sort of remembered that in my drunken haze I'd booked a non-refundable flight to the wrong city for the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 1 045

More brain worms please

By Kilye - 18/07/2024 09:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I spent what seemed like an hour tearing apart my living room looking for the TV remote, only to find it in the fridge next to the milk. It turns out that last night I decided to put my cereal away in the entertainment center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 346

Smoked

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 17:01 - Canada

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 20:28 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I went to college, where I'm studying for my dream job. Despite getting up at 5am to catch the earliest bus into town, I arrived ten minutes late. My professor knows my circumstances, but is still threatening to kick me off the course if I don't "arrive on time like everyone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 907

You deserved it 8 012

By Eli - 14/01/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 3 657

Sprightly

By Anonymous - 12/02/2026 09:00

Today, my husband (M72) and I (F69) had yet another argument over all the time he spends away from home doing hobbies and volunteering. After an emotional conversation about my moving out, he said, "Well, if we are done talking about that, let me tell you what I got to do today." Biggest emotional slap ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 442

Brave

By Shyboy - 14/02/2026 15:00

Today, I worked up the courage to ask a question in a packed lecture hall. The professor repeated my question, except he'd misheard me and rephrased it into something wildly incorrect. The class laughed. Instead of correcting him, I nodded. Now half the class thinks I don’t understand the difference between correlation and causation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 261

She's just not that into you

By Anonymous - 13/03/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, and recently, I've had a crush on a woman, we've and texting for a while. She always replies instantly and very positively, but she never asks about me or initiates anything. I have no idea whether I have a chance, but probably not. There are very limited signs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 541

Messed up

By Anonymous - 27/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend, the father of my child, has been cheating on me. We’ve only been back together for about five months. I stopped talking to someone I really liked to try to make it work with him for our kid. I learned a few days ago that that guy moved on. I regret not taking my chance. Now I might not ever get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 576

Social construct

By Fuck u - 19/02/2026 00:00

Today, I'm stuck in a bad relationship with a man who won't work to get ahead in life, and whose family looks down on me for being a different race. If I dump him, I'll have to live with my racist dad, who will smuckle endlessly about how I "learned a lesson for dating outside your race." FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 265

Get me a banana or something

By Organic food plz - 21/02/2026 12:00

Today, we're visiting my wife's extended family. They're nice people but they eat like crap; I haven't had a single fresh vegetable or fruit in days, and everything they cook is overcooked and smothered in cheap sauce or "seasonings." My stomach is about to go on strike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 90

Zealous new convert

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 12:00

Today, my daughter told me that now that she's a Christian, I can no longer see my grandchildren unless I repent from my "homosexual lifestyle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 157

My life story

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 16:00 - Germany - Undeloh

Today, if I was watching my life as a movie, I'd be thinking: "Come on, it is SO obvious that this will be a story about some gods having a bet about how fast they can get this woman to kill herself, and whether big things like health problems work best, or rather constant small annoyances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 148

Messy

By TheNewDad - 26/02/2026 00:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 561

Thanks for your input

By Anonymous - 28/02/2026 15:00

Today, my granddaddy called me with the sole purpose of letting me know that I’ve gotten so fat, he doesn’t even recognize me anymore. I’ve been silently suffering with a health condition that causes major weight gain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 81

Damp squib

By Sorry Phil - 07/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my friend. As we all hid in the dark waiting for him to arrive, I unexpectedly sneezed so loudly that I scared everyone, and they jumped out before he had even finished unlocking the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 149

Ridiculous

By Anonymous - 02/03/2026 12:00

Today, I was detained for 20 minutes by security for stealing shopping bags. I didn’t, I used my own bags-for-life, so he thought I didn’t pay for them. They were from a different shop entirely. Twenty fricking minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 55

Bougie

By Eric - 05/03/2026 00:00

Today, my girlfriend showed me a Louis Vuitton bag and asked if I could buy it for her. I told her I don’t have that kind of money. She said, “That wasn’t my question; my question was, could you buy it?” I said, “No.” She then said, “Broke and lacks listening skills. I’m better off.” Four years down the drain over a purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 108

Windy day

By Tree - 21/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, my dog was about to get hit by a tree branch, so I yelled for him to move. He got mad and started barking at me. And got nailed by the tree branch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 142

Dionysus wept

By Anonymous - 11/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he looked like a Greek god. He looked confused and said, "Thanks, I guess? But aren’t they all fat and drunk?" I’m dating a man who thinks Greek gods are just overweight party animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 166

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The Top

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 837

You deserved it 2 671

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 011

You deserved it 6 946

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 580

You deserved it 5 390

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 358

Today, my lamp wouldn’t turn on. I spent a good 10 minutes looking for a replacement bulb before I thought to check if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 1 135

Today, I learned that there is an actual medical term for having trouble making decisions of any kind. I'm not sure if I should feel understood because I know it's an actual disorder, or be angry that people still believe it's fake when I show it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 231