Today, I typed out "I WANT LEMONS" as a joke on Facebook. (For those who don't know, lemons are another word for raunchy, steamy fanfictions). My grandma saw the post, then gave me a whole bag of actual lemons. If she knew that I meant "sexy fanfiction", she would have a heart attack. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML
Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I was showing my grandma how to use emojis on her new smartphone. After she sent a cute smiley face, she went on to send a string of random emojis, including the eggplant and the peach, to her church group chat. When she found out the meaning those emojis usually have, she tried to ground me, even though I'm 28. FML
Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML
Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML
Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML
Today, I sent a love letter I'd written meant for my crush to a friend so she could evaluate my prose before I actually sent it to him. For some reason, my emotions got the best of me, and I mistakenly CC'd my mom. She replied with three crying-with-laughter emojis. FML
Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML
Today, I meant to send a spicy message to my partner, but sent it to my dad due to the Whatsapp conversations being next to each other on my computer screen, and me not paying attention due to being an idiot. My dad replied, “Uh... not sure I needed that mental image.” FML
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Top comments
Justkidding100 41
why would you even post that on Facebook? also how did you manage to time travel from 2004?
Anderling 33
As someone who also reads and writes (well, wrote) fanfiction, I also would have assumed that you meant the fruit, because who Does That in public?
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
I think you're going to get a bunch of shitty cars, as if you're the automotive version of "We buy ugly houses!"
Justkidding100 41
why would you even post that on Facebook? also how did you manage to time travel from 2004?
Anderling 33
As someone who also reads and writes (well, wrote) fanfiction, I also would have assumed that you meant the fruit, because who Does That in public?
Nolongeracriminal 16
Good thing is, you won't catch scurvy. Argh matey!
Evolving_Squid 15
Oh, she knows.
IHaveThePower 18
Editors, you're thinking of fanfiction.net, where they prohibit 'adult' content and you have to use codewords. On AO3, you can just tag '****'.
Alan Staff 59
I must admit, I don't know a lot about fanfiction websites, I've only heard about it via YouTube creators like Lindsay Ellis and Sarah Z, but thanks for the info! The title would be too long if I changed it now!