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High flying old bird

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 04:00

Today, while on vacation with my family, I went parasailing. Just as I was about to take off, the wind picked up and I got blown off course. I ended up crashing into a boat and had to be rescued by the coastguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 113

By angela - 12/06/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 325

You deserved it 3 724

The good son

By Anonymous - 02/04/2026 20:00

Today, my husband and I sat our 8 year-old son down and gently explained to him that I had a miscarriage and he won't be having a little brother or sister after all. He responded by dancing around the room and celebrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 108

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 02:03 - United States - Herndon

Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 279

It's fine, I'll wait outside

By I tried - 12/04/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, because the policy "no shirt, no shoes, no service" doesn't mention pants, my friends got the hilarious idea to walk into a store with no pants on. I tried to be reasonable and say they would get arrested, but they called me a "chicken" and did it anyway. Take a wild guess what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 225

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I had a date with someone I met online. We agreed to meet at a nice restaurant. I got there early, ordered a drink, and waited. And waited. An hour later, I texted to ask where he was. His response? "I’ve been watching you from my car for the last hour. Decided you’re not my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 111

You've got mail

By Anonymous - 10/04/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I got a write up from HR because the new boss says we have to check our e-mail everyday, and I missed checking my e-mail for one single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 372

Anerrhíphthō kýbos

By AllGreekToMe - 02/02/2022 20:01 - United States - Bloomington

Today, when I selected my classes last semester, I could have taken my required-to-graduate foreign language classes on something doable like Spanish. Instead, not knowing what I was getting into, I selected Classical Greek. It's too late to change my language and my uninformed choice is going to cost me my degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 1 403

Mammy's boy

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 22:00

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 176

Let's get it on

By None of that means consent to sex - 08/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like sex. He said, "Funny, I didn't feel like driving to the store for your milkshake earlier, or digging up the flowerbed, or deep cleaning your car, but I did all that to make you happy. Don't I deserve a little reciprocation?" Jesus Christ, I married an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 1 395

By BrokeInCT - 09/06/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, my temp agency sent me out for an interview for a great job. The interviewer and I hit it off. She asked if I could start later today. She said she'd call after making up a contract. She didn't call. My temp agency called to tell me the interviewer was fired right after my interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 380

You deserved it 2 506

BrokeInCT tells us more.

BrokeInCT 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 13:50

I'm the OP. For the record, I was NOT flirting with the interviewer, nor was she flirting with me. ~Angela~

Not very romantic

By whyyyyy - 10/04/2026 20:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, my husband read my texts and discovered that I get a laugh out of making him beg for sex. He handed me a printout of the texts and coldly said, "Either we're going down the list of everything you've said no to, or I find a side piece. Make a choice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 950

Young love

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 02:00

Today, I had a horrible head injury that prevented me from going to my girlfriend's birthday party, and when my mom answered my phone, she thought my mom was a girl I was cheating with. Even after posting on Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat, in places she hasn't blocked me on, she just commented that I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 124

Making a scene

By Anonymous - 16/04/2023 18:00

Today, a guy I been seeing went to work and left me in his house. As I made a bagel, it burned, the smoke alarm went off. This activated a call to the fire department but I didn’t know. The fire truck showed up. Little did I know, the guy’s family was outside too, just to see what had happened, thinking I'd broken in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 247

Litter

By MrSlav - 12/11/2020 16:57 - Lithuania - Siauliai

Today, I rubbed my heel raw with a new shoe, so I put a bandaid on and went to the pool. A few minutes later, I noticed the bandaid floating close to me. I'm not an ass so I quickly fished it out and put in the pocket of my swimming trunks. Later, I went to shower and noticed that my bandaid was still on my heel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 194

Can it

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 15:59 - United States - Verona

Today, I had to hear yet another round of complaints about relatives or things from decades past from my broken record of a mother, who doesn't respect my need to quietly work from home. I'm about ready to smash my own head against the wall to get some peace and quiet, but I have to get this report done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 136

Hobby lobby

By I can't think of a name - 14/09/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my parents complained to me that I never talk to them about my hobbies and interests, or what I do in general. Well, maybe if you at least pretended to show any sort of interest when I do, instead of just replying dismissively to everything I say until I leave, I might talk about them more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 109

Thirty demons

By Tech BS - 15/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I’m a high school teacher and I finally learned how to use the smartboard properly. I connected my laptop to demonstrate a lesson… and projected the last thing I had open: a half-written email complaining about how loud this exact class is. Thirty teenagers read it in silence. One kid raised his hand and said, “Fair.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 427

Heiress

By Anonymous - 19/02/2022 06:00

Today, my now ex-husband admitted in open court that the only thing he misses about me is the income from the chain restaurants my parents willed to me. I raised his kids for thirteen years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 126

What?

By Fuck you dad - 16/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, whenever my dad says something and I (genuinely) don't hear him, he repeats it in an extremely slow and condescending manner. My family says I should "get a sense of humor" because I'm rightfully pissed about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 172

Dynasty

By Anonymous - 17/04/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my grandparents are demanding that I come live with them because my stepmom is pregnant. They're convinced that she and my dad are going to throw me aside once the baby is born, even though I know that's not going to happen. They're even making threats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 60

Everyone's a critic

By Ouch - 23/04/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I'm extremely disabled and by all means terrible at drawing, but I tried anyway. Sure enough, my drawings looked like shit, but I still took pride in them. That is, until my brother looked at one of them and said, "Wow! That's awful!" Thanks for pointing that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 142

Dodging a bullet

By Lard - 19/09/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my fiance called off our engagement, all because I let myself go due to comfort eating and depression since my mother passed and I got fired from work. He told me to lose 60 pounds or he “won’t consummate the marriage with my lard ass.” Our wedding and honeymoon were less than a month away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 565

By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 273

You deserved it 32 038

Getting through life like:

By Lewis - 16/12/2018 18:30 - France - Paris

Life is a race... With hurdles... while wearing flippers

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 71

That's what a druggie would claim

By Chris Bores - 20/11/2020 14:03 - United States - Prince Frederick

Today, my family staged an intervention and demanded I go to rehab. Why? My mom found 'drug papers' in my car. It was a receipt from a routine drug screening for my job. It was also over two years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied by saying she's a hair dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 827

You deserved it 46 123

By skyinthesky - 11/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I bought a desk for my new apartment. After ignoring the warnings on the box saying it should not be carried alone, I made it all the way to my apartment with the desk. I walked in the door and dropped it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 896

You deserved it 6 278

Repression

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 12:00

Today, I found out my platonic office wife and I are both in sexless relationships. The week just gets more and more repressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 345

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 10:00

Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 185

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The Top

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 810

You deserved it 2 732

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 155

You deserved it 3 123

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 059

You deserved it 3 878

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds, then said, "Who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 062

You deserved it 4 910

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 3 140

Today, some jacked-up dude who spends way too much time in the gym actually flipped my car onto its roof, while his friends filmed it, because he said I’d parked in a disabled bay, and he was gonna expose me on YouTube. He must have felt a right fool when he realised it wasn’t even a disabled bay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 97