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You're in the army now

By Anonymous - 23/09/2025 12:00

Today, my officer took us on a night navigation exercise. Naturally, I and my fellow soldiers followed him. After many wrong turns, we climbed over barbed wire into a cow field. Our illustrious leader was startled by a cow, then became intimately entangled in the wire. As medic it was my duty to apply bandages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 103

Wardrobe malfunction

By Anonymous - 02/10/2025 09:00

Today, I wore new gym leggings to spin class. Ten minutes in, the instructor gently pulled me aside to whisper, “Those leggings, they’re see-through.” I had been doing squats in front of a full-length mirror the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 376

Nice, awful, try

By Get a job you bum! - 20/10/2025 22:00

Today, my desperate cousin "visited" my house demanding that I pay him back his mom's flatbed scanner I broke, in the tune of $3000, which should cover for "interest." Yes, I remember: Our aunt bought it for $29.95 on Black Friday. My sister is the one who broke it, and then blamed it on me. All of this happened back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 53

Relatable

By Anonymous - 28/10/2025 00:00

Today, I ordered pizza for myself. When the delivery guy arrived, I opened the door in pajama pants, messy hair and a face mask. He smiled and said, “Oh, this order says ‘Family Combo Meal.’ Where’s everyone else?” I just said, “They’re busy.” They weren’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 203

Shat myself

By Giselle - 02/11/2025 09:00

Today, my coworkers threw me a surprise birthday party. When I walked in and they yelled “SURPRISE!”, I screamed, dropped my coffee, and reflexively shouted, “Who are you people?!” before realizing it was for me. They’re still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 285

Flustered

By Bradley is alone - 09/11/2025 09:00

Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 572

It's the thought that counts

By cakelady - 16/11/2025 12:00

Today, I spent two hours baking a chocolate cake for my coworker Cathy's birthday. I took it into the office, everyone gathered, and we sang. Her birthday is actually next week. The person whose birthday was today is named Kevin, and he’s allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 225

Sir, this is a Wendy's

By Anonymous - 11/12/2025 09:00

Today, I've been waiting nearly three days for my Amazon delivery order. I knew that Christmas orders were going to swamp Amazon, so I bought two gift cards and a CD that my mom specifically wanted ahead of time. I purchased them on the 4th to be safe. It's now the 10th, I've been charged, but no sign of my order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 249

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 01/01/2026 15:00

Today, I learned that my kids refer to my much older fiancé as my “Emotional support corpse.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 425

Point made

By Anonymous - 23/01/2026 00:00

Today, to prove to my wife that she's incapable of leaving on time, I told her we needed to leave by 6 and gave her no further reminders. At 6:45 she “still need 5 more minutes.” Then she got mad when she came downstairs at 7:20 and I was in my pyjamas, because what's the fucking point leaving now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 82

Me me me

By Anonymous - 24/01/2026 20:00

Today, some old friends came to visit me after I had my first baby a few weeks ago. When the last friend, who has always been rather self-centered, arrived, she immediately announced her own pregnancy and talked of nothing else for the rest of her stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 85

Budget cut

By Anonymous - 26/01/2026 15:00

Today, as a college student on a budget, I treated myself to a haircut. The stylist asked if I liked it, even though it was much shorter than I wanted, and I said yes. When I got home, my roommate asked if I had joined the military. My mom asked if I was OK. I'm wearing hats for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 91

They didn't yet call them selfies in 2001

By Anonymous - 30/01/2026 00:00

Today, I found a box of old photos in my mom's house. This is how I discovered that her and her boyfriend at the time thought it was a great opportunity for a selfie… with the World Trade Center towers billowing smoke behind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 91

Idiot

By Father of a moron - 04/02/2026 09:00

Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 111

Dementia

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 22:00

Today, my former boss called to bitch me out for some computer issue he emailed me to fix three days ago. I quit my job there 7 months ago, and I had to hand my phone to my new manager to convince my old boss I really did quit and wasn’t just avoiding fixing the computer problem. Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 67

Nice imagery, thanks

By rockergirl99 - 25/02/2026 20:00

Today, my husband got pissed drunk and told his friends, “My wife let herself go after having the baby. I have to roll her around in flour and find the wet spot when I hit it.” I’m three weeks postpartum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 70

It's all downhill from here

By That guy - 27/02/2026 15:00

Today, I’m so over this shite. I’ve been on the hunt for a job for 2 years. I have 30 years of management experience in multiple fields. I get interviews but never get hired. I even apply for entry level jobs and still can’t get hired. Prior to COVID, I’d never interviewed for a job I didn’t get. This economy sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 89

Romance is dead

By Sad - 01/03/2026 09:00

Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 67

I keep mine hidden

By Hiddengurlnomoar - 06/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend of 8 months about him posting our date nights sitting at a table and having drinks, yet I don’t appear in a single frame. He said, “I just don’t post people.” He posts friends, family, and colleagues in pictures all the time, but when it comes to me, he “doesn’t post people.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 113

Mouthy

By Anonymous - 11/04/2026 15:00 - United States - Norco

Today, my son obviously got possessed by some red pill demon that made him think it was OK to mouth off to his mother and tell her she belongs in the kitchen. She knocked him flat on his ass so fast I don’t think even The Flash would’ve had time to intervene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 140

Happy V-Day

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a DM from an unknown sender saying “Happy Anniversary.” It was my 11th grade boyfriend and the “Anniversary” was of us losing our virginity to each other. This happened over 20 years ago! I’ve blocked his creepy ass more times than I can count, but he just won’t stay away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 49

Cut it off

By Anonymous - 27/06/2026 00:00 - Germany - Frankfurt am Main

Today, I took my kids to the beach. My autistic son decided it was a good idea to pretend he was drowning. I tried to tell onlookers he was fine and not to worry. My son popped out of the water and laughed hysterically at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 126

Dark humor

By Widowhumorwasamiss - 30/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date since my husband passed six years ago. My date’s ex-wife happened to be at the restaurant he picked, and he confessed he expected her to be there. Without missing a beat, I told him that’s a perk of dating a widow, never running into the ex. Evidently a bit too dark for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 84

Step brothers

By Anonymous - 07/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my stepson hit my biological son with a belt. When I demanded to know why, it turned out that my son destroyed his (stepson's) laptop while raging over his stupid video game. My husband is completely mortified and I have no idea who to be more mad at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 117

Planning required

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I feel like I’m never going to have satisfying sex again. We have so many kids that I never get a moment’s peace. By the time they’re all taken care of and sleeping, I’m too exhausted to even think about sex. If I do, it’s a “let’s get it out of the way” type quickie to shut my husband up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 308

Sleep the clock around

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I decided to sleep in since I didn't really have anything I had to do. I was woken up at 10:30AM thanks to a spam telemarketer. I turned my phone off and went back to sleep, hoping to wake up around noon. I woke up at 1:30PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 322

Internalized

By Anonymous - 21/08/2026 00:00 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I was called a "transphobic bigot" at work because I told my coworker, a trans woman, that her clothing and behaviour were disrespectful and inadequate for the workplace. I'm also a trans woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 154

Rattle and hum

By Anonymous - 26/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I took my car to a garage because the dashboard had started making a strange clicking sound. The mechanic listened for 30 seconds, opened the glove compartment, and pulled out a pen rolling around inside it. I'd spent €90 on a diagnostic appointment to discover my stationery was causing the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 375

Party trick

By Anonymous - 11/10/2025 09:00

Today, I went to my cousin’s wedding and started tearing up during the vows. I reached into my purse for a tissue but accidentally pulled out a tampon, which flew across the aisle and landed right between the bride and groom. It's probably going to make it into the wedding video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 291

You guys…

By Anonymous - 28/10/2025 03:00

Today, I had to rush home from work to help my parents, who are both wheelchair users, because they were having sex and fell between the bed and the wall. With both of them unable to walk, they were stuck there, so the first thing I saw walking into their room was mom's bum hole staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 76

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 829

You deserved it 8 528

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 158

You deserved it 61 015

Random

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 387

You deserved it 1 768

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 639

You deserved it 2 228

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 156

You deserved it 5 261

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday, in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 778

You deserved it 5 146

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 369

Today, my sister announced her engagement to my ex-boyfriend, who she’d stolen from me. She got upset that I told her I’m not attending her wedding, nor congratulating her. Since she’s “Christian” her logic is “What God joined together, let no man separate.” Yeah, right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 147