Today, my son has failed all his exams, no university will take him, he keeps getting fired from part time jobs for incompetence, and generally makes goldfish look smart in comparison. His mother refuses to admit she should have quit drinking while she was pregnant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife refuses to admit our 13-year-old son has no chance in hell of getting into college. He never got more than an E or an F on his exams, routinely misspells his own name, can't remember our address and I just watched him spend 10 minutes looking for his lost hat which, by the way, was on his head. FML
Today, as yet more proof my useless son is probably going to be living with me well into his adulthood, he has now failed his driving theory test 14 times, despite me studying with him every afternoon. He also has no job, no goals, no girlfriend, and a neck tattoo. FML
Today, I found out what my son has been celebrating. Apparently, his boss caught him smoking weed and fired him, then had a massive stroke and now has the IQ of a potato, so my son just kept turning up to work since his boss hadn’t had the time to tell anyone he was fired, or to fill out any paperwork. My son is scum. FML
Today, after being accepted into the college of my dreams, I found out that my mom has spent all my college savings on alcohol over the years, and she says that it's my fault for not "helping her get help." FML
Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university two years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML
Today, my dad took my son out of his will, so I confronted him. Turns out he has a new policy of “not rewarding dumb behaviour.” He’s willing to put him back in the will, if he ever scores over 120 on an IQ test. I love my son, but he’s a happy goldfish, 120 is just never happening. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML
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Top comments
Rake 18
This FML is annoying. If your son really has a mental problem (although more likely he has a serious learning disability). Then instead of whining about his mother, take responsibility and help him!!! Your judgmental tune to his lack of success just make you sound like a very bad father. And using it to fight with his mother, attribute his lack of success more to bad childhood than anything else.
Thaylok 17
College isn't for everyone. Rake has some good points. He needs help and testing. Maybe some stabilizing medications. This should have been addressed years ago. Yes it socks, but it would have sucked a lot less if you sought help 20 years ago. This comes from experience here. My daughter needed both learning assistance from school/home and medicine. Still college is not for her. Don't have the false mindset that you must have a college degree to be successful. I have several brothers doing extremely well and are HAPPY without a degree.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
He can become a telemarketer.
Rake 18
This FML is annoying. If your son really has a mental problem (although more likely he has a serious learning disability). Then instead of whining about his mother, take responsibility and help him!!! Your judgmental tune to his lack of success just make you sound like a very bad father. And using it to fight with his mother, attribute his lack of success more to bad childhood than anything else.
cuz803 46
OP didn't specify whether he tried to help or not so we don't know for sure. Unsafe assumption.
historygrad74 19
Perhaps some of it is his responsibility.
Thaylok 17
College isn't for everyone. Rake has some good points. He needs help and testing. Maybe some stabilizing medications. This should have been addressed years ago. Yes it socks, but it would have sucked a lot less if you sought help 20 years ago. This comes from experience here. My daughter needed both learning assistance from school/home and medicine. Still college is not for her. Don't have the false mindset that you must have a college degree to be successful. I have several brothers doing extremely well and are HAPPY without a degree.
Charlie Given 28
Your child needs proper medical evaluation, if your child has alcohol fetal syndrome there are a lot of mental and physical health complications from that. They will need to see a proper doctor to get therapy and medications so they can function in life as an adult.
pjsr 33
It’s a little late - about 20 years too late - to still be blaming his mother. You were the one who chose to have sex with an alcoholic. At least she can blame her disease called alcoholism. You don’t really have an excuse. If a person chooses to have sex with someone who has substance abuse issues, then you create a possibility of a child with lifelong difficulties. You can’t change the past. You can choose to help change his future by getting him the help he needs.