Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML
Today, for the third time, I had to tell my stepfather to stop using my razor. It seems when I told him last time that I use it on my armpits, that only encouraged the behaviour. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML
Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML
Today, I live on the second floor and my neighbor from below banged on my door, telling me I sounded like a giant elephant and needed to learn to be quiet. I was eating ice cream in bed. I also live alone. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, my nose hair scares him. FML
Today, I finally told my boyfriend I have a medical condition that makes me grow an unusual amount of hair on my face, so I shave every day. He said he was leaving me because he refuses to be with a "bearded lady". FML
Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML
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Top comments
xlord 27
Leave him alone.... I think he's going to have an imaginary divorce soon anyway
andrew_thomson 9
He must be smokin' some heavy dubies!
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Comments (77)
Spazz420 7
Maybe u should call ur local geriatric outreach. Sounds like this guy may need some help
leadman1989 16
Yell in your best old lady voice... "STFU Harold I'm leaving you"! Problem solved or worsened I can't tell.
perdix 31
Get up there, overpower him and forcibly shave his nose hair. Overgrown nose hair causes breathing problems which can lead to irritability and delusions. He'll thank you for it.
tabarnak_fml 7
Or so it seems....
Okayitwasme 0
Record it if you can and ask the landlord for a different apartment. My sister and I did that. We couldn't get out of our lease, so we changed apartments.
budster1993 2
Old man could have brought up a hooker and she wanted his nose hair shaved before SEX
Amandabobmaxwell 4
Thats sad :(
failsammich 0
lmao how is that a FML? that would make my day :)
thefaced 0
He's talking to you
s3npai 0
If I give you $50 you have to hook me up with whatever he's taking