Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, I was on a nature hike and had to use the bushes as a restroom. In doing so I stepped on an ant hill and ended up with my shorts around my ankles, dancing the Twist to fend off the ants. FML
Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML
Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Osmness 0
The question is... Why were you running from the cops?
abbytequiere 9
And that is why you must look before you leap...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (202)
abbytequiere 9
And that is why you must look before you leap...
n_epic_fail 14
Stuff like that happens in movies all the time... Except they usually involve hot girls car chasing scenes and smarter get-aways...
kbtoyz69 9
yeah should def look 1st next time it could be a puddle of sewage :
ArcadePie 10
All that matters is you got away
boofgall 16
Running from the cops must be the worst feeling ever. Bleh :s
LegalyWhite 7
I bet the cops where thinking when they passed by the bush" Anyone is to stupid to hide in a thorn bush... Right?"
shannonreneee 11
Don't hide in bushes. When my dad was a cop he'd wait in bushes for the criminal to run past.
tzuriel11 9
51 I doubt your dad would be in a THORN bush.
zombicidal 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
people it wasn't painful because of the thorns the cops obviously caught him and he was sent to prison and raped
J3R3MYY 14
Well where did you take the shower? At home or in jail? This would explain a lot.
eminemop 0
33- I said that in my head in Clevelands voice.
Alexisthebestest 16
Everyone suddenly becomes a track star when the cops show up.
tjv3 10
OP dropped the soap in jail?
BayleeWasHere 1
Why was one running from the po-po?
LegendLong 0
I use to run away from the cops, till I got hit in the knee with an arrow
pepper477 6
177 - you said that wrong. shame, shame.
ButlerOfChaos 7
Don't cops wear Kevlar? That stuff is sturdy and strong, as if a puny thorn could pierce it.
little_fucker 18
#206 he said he was running from the cops. He never said he was a cop
Osmness 0
The question is... Why were you running from the cops?
suavesuave 2
Shit happens
Mizz_FML 0
More important question? What the hell happened last night!?
labudamike 6
38 your pic goes perfect with your comment
StoryOfTheYear 15
There's always after me lucky charms...
Mister_Triangle 21
He dun goof'd
BrokenDreamer24 15
Maybe it was mistaken identity? So OP ran like hell?
thatssomeBS 9
At least he didn't wake up in a thorn bush the next day without knowing why he was there...
howdmynosego 12
Op was Reading FML at the truck stop at 1am, saw the cops and ran
purple91 8
Good one.
D37H100 5
Last Friday night...
thefaced 0
And how are you putting this on fml? Computers in prison?
bootz412 0
The question is why is it any of your business?
champbaileyfan 0
How about showers in prison???
graham11 14
OP your life sucks for reasons more than getting torn up by a prickle bush..
me_gusta_eso 1
138- it may not be our business, but OP obviously put it up here so we can know about it, resulting in he probably doesn't care if we know why he was running from the cops.
Derek191919 0
haha wasn't the police it was border patrol :P
seahawksfan900 11
Fourth!! Haha
Osmness 0
ha, nice job changing your comment (:
xMiss_Maggot 7
YDI for running away from the cops which means you get in more in trouble. I wonder why you were running away from the cops?
Schizomaniac 24
Good thing we instantly know all of the information not provided in the story, otherwise you might have sounded presumptuous and accusing.
Isoldael 27
Why would OP run from the cops if he was innocent? Sounds suspicious to me.
Mister_Triangle 21
Running from the cops is a felony; it's safe to assume OP is either an idiot or committed a serious crime. He deserves it either way
docscientist 10
I assume 53 and 56 have never been a minority, facing discrimination by law enforcement. Chances are op did something juvenile like shoplift, graffiti, or caused some general mayhem, but possibly not.
nitemare0 17
Who cares what he did, the fact is he did something illegal then he ran from police rather then face the consciences of his own actions, there for he deserves what he got,
docscientist 10
Right, when police shoot minorities in situations like in Oscar Grant's case, then you'll understand why there's a climate of fear amongst some communities. I'm not saying this is op's case, but don't act so ****-sure of what's deserved, when that info wasn't given.
Miss_Michaela 10
137 - If the OP was being discriminated against, it'd be unlikely that his FML post would be about jumping behind a bush.
GrahamAker 3
I'm sorry people when I do something wrong I have hand myself in? When you cheat on your test do try to get away or hand yourself in too the teacher? Hypocrites all of you.
MandieL 27
I hate the minority card, it is tossed around way to often these days. And where I am from, even tho it is my home country, I am the minority! Too bad just because I'm white, I don't have access to that particular card. Racial discrimination happens to every culture so don't assume the OP is running away because he is another color and the cop is a racist
docscientist 10
You're completely failing to get my point, the thread was making assumptions to a certainty, while I was providing a case that it's not so black and white. It was an example of a scenario that could've happened(as it has happened and provides a reasonable explanation as to why someone would prefer running), however, nobody knows because op didn't provide the info. Now, grow two brain cells to rub together and lets call it a day, okay? 160 - a minority in "your" country? Way to sabotage your own argument by sounding like a racist. Us white people are still the majority, but instead of 50+% of the pop, let's say we're about 40ish%. If I have to break it down as to why we're still the majority with those numbers, you applied those critical thinking skills wrong.
docscientist 10
140 - Like I said in an earlier post, op was more than likely doing something to catch the attention of the police, however, other posters were stating that running from the cops means you must've done something wrong, as if they were applying that stance beyond this Fml. I attempted to put things into perspective, and suggest that it's not always the case.
MandieL 27
Actually I see more people of other cultures than I do of mine where I am from. My husband is Chinese, my best friend is Indian, and my brother in law who I adore is African, I am way so far from racist. I have many brain cells, would you like to borrow them. You weren't providing another example, you were pulling the minority card to start an argument because you have nothing better to do. I'm glad as I have nothing better to do while I ride the bus work. Enjoy your small mindedness
docscientist 10
And here you are pulling the "my best friend is black card." See what I did there? I know exactly what my intentions are, don't twist them to support your argument.
moonpie66 1
Stop talking
lajaynay 15
At least you didn't get caught!
LegalyWhite 7
Not geting caught is always a good thing a prison shower + thorns = massive pain!
CadillacPimpen 6
I'm pretty sure you get sent to jail not prison...
LegalyWhite 7
Same diffrence
kiakia0131 23
Not exactly. People who are in jail are usually awaiting trial (unless it's for a really serious or violent felony), or people go to jail when they are given a sentence of a year or less. People go to prison if they are sentenced to more than a year.
eurostar710 11
I feel like a good prison shower rape joke is in order here!
onlychildFTW 34
You made 2 mistakes. 1. You got the cops chasing you. 2. You jumped over a fence without looking at the landing first. I hope you learned a lesson. :P
tylersign 11
I never even read the word "fence" anywhere..
purple91 8
#8 is trying to spice up the story.
ScaughtieHolden 11
I don't see the word 'fence' once in this FML.
EmreArslan 11
Lmao I was confused aswell when he said fence and actually read the FML again xD
ninjuh_wingman 29
Thats why try to avoid getting into trouble with cops. And if you do its probably best not to run.
CBlaze93 10
Stupid (insert race here) (followed by a racist remark)
elliotg14 0
Shut the **** up number 10 you racist **** suck my big dick and die
BrianAlarcon 0
YDI
cosmosis 12
A man of many words....
crokid720 0
Wat r the apps in ur ppic it hilarious
flockz 20
"today, as i was running from the cops...." instant YDI.
boofgall 16
Goody two shoes >.>
flockz 20
*legal two shoes.
Feverrotes 15
Now now, let's give OP the benefit of the doubt and look beyond him running from the cops. I'm sure there was a legitimate legal reason why OP had to run. Maybe OP was eating sprinkled donuts on the sidewalk and a cop walked by.
Mister_Triangle 21
36 - why is it wrong to follow the laws?
m1grande 3
Agreed. You don't run from cops unless you did something wrong...