Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, I tried to make a good first impression by bringing homemade cookies to my new neighbors. I dropped the entire plate of cookies on their porch, and the dog across the street immediately rushed over and ate them. My new neighbors were very polite about it, but I’m pretty sure they think I'm a psycho. FML
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML
Today, I spent hours decorating my front yard for Halloween. When I stepped back to admire my work, the wind blew all the decorations into my neighbor's yard. Of course, they're currently away on a long vacation and I can't get to my stuff, so… you're welcome, I guess! FML
Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML
Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML
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Top comments
mxpklx 12
Lisa Simpson? Is that you?
comedybreak 20
More like f your dad's life for having to stoop so low. FYL. OP
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Comments (86)
bubo_fml 11
If this guy shows up at your door w/a fresh batch of cookies, watch yo' shit!
KiddNYC1O 22
Are you a Corleone?
_MidnightLuna_ 17
BAHAHAH This. Is. Hilarious. Favourited!
HannahWho 8
Your dad is awesome. I would **** with him though and throw it back over the fence.
randypoh 3
That shit is to funny!!
ospeth 4
Good plan! If he already doesn't like them, might as well finalize it.
kaikai63 0
That's my boy!!
ravcab97 0
I would have died of laughter (;
chuckcloninger 12
Get an attorney immediately and file for a divorce from this thing that calls himself your dad. If you're lucky you were adopted and have none of his recessive genes?
fflintstoneNY 4
Your dads a looser.