Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML
Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML
Today, I went to see a movie but took my phone out a few times to check my socials. Apparently the asshole behind me didn’t like that, because he ripped my phone out of my hands, dropped it in my soda, then just sat back in his seat like nothing happened. FML
Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML
Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies, where I loaded up on soda, popcorn, and candy, and settled in to enjoy the movie. I ended up falling asleep and being woken up two hours later by an usher. FML
Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML
Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
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Top comments
metallicshadow 16
"his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected" that's a ******* awesome statement
JamoB 7
But I bet the look on his face was priceless
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Comments (74)
JMichael 26
Where did his balls disappear to?
perdix 31
In times of great fear, one's testicles may suck up into one's body cavity. I don't know how this changes their courage-giving power.
gumbler 5
I had the same situation except it was ice cubes and I just punched him in the face. Worth getting kicked out
olpally 33
Bitchcake... Kinda like me. Lol.
josmab 3
nice metaphor
TheyCallMeDamien 18
"his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected" PUT THAT ON A T-SHIRT.
Airbell12 11
My friend was at the movies and a kid behind her was kicking her seat. She leaned forward and went back hard into the seat... The kid's skittles went everywhere.
katydid91 31
Oooh, a piece of candy!
olpally 33
Hahaha! James woods in family guy! Love the reference! :)
apu_nahasapeemap 10
That's just weird - what possesses someone to start throwing stuff at a stranger? Good for op for standing up for himself though.
Mr_Poopy_Pants 2
You're the man! Make them balls vanish!
ibanghellokitty 8
At least you should have punched the stupid bitch when you had the chance.... Never mind you would have gotten even more trouble. ^^;