Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
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Top comments
amerwin 3
Is he a folder or a buncher?
Quasar55_fml 18
Hope he took notes. Test on monday.
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Comments (53)
aardvarkish 17
That's pretty damn funny!
Flipflops4ever 0
Mayb her bf is from India or some other South Asian or African country where they traditionally don't use toilet paper but water & their hand?
Btelgeus 11
That was also my first thought
monzach 5
ok I'm pretty sure that in India and most south Asian countries they DO have toilet paper. don't be so ignorant
foxman47 3
#55 you are the ignorant one. In India, it is very uncommon to have toilet paper; even in the urbanized areas. It's a cultural thing. So stfu.
Btelgeus 11
We are not talking about if in India they actually have or not toilet paper (which they usually DON'T have), but about Asian people not using toilet paper because of their culture. Probably OP's boyfriend, living in the UK, does use toilet paper, but her father thinks he doesn't. Or maybe he is not asian at all and the father just wanted to piss him off.
kmarrs 2
The idea is wiping back to front causes feces to be rubbed past and to get inside the urethra. In the case of women, it's right there so this is a problem. The bacteria in the feces grows and causes an infection. In the case of men, I'd imagine since the urethra opening is at the end of the penis, unless the man REALLY doesn't know how to wipe, this isn't a problem. But I'm no doctor so I could be wrong.
SnowFlakeInAK 7
what a shitty conversation to have during a meal! >.<
bamagirl14 0
did your dad make him pull his pants down and bend over?
unmadebed 0
haha was he house training your boyfriend?
DocBastard 40
What is this "toilet paper"?
wolve86 0
mummy skin
5t3ff1k4h 47
21 and 17 - I have only heard that wiping from front to back is beneficial for women. I haven't heard either way regarding men. Though if you think about it, if a guy wipes from back to front, he's bringing all his shit to his ******** area. Do you really want your face that close to his shit when you give him a ********? Some women even like playing with their testicles using their mouths, and if they wipe in this manner... *shudders*
SirEBC 7
You've already humiliated yourself by talking about what you just talked about. Just kidding. Bacteria are awesome.
djxtones 0
haha probably wanted to teach him how to clean up after he kicked the crap out of him if he ever hurts you.