Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
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Top comments
amerwin 3
Is he a folder or a buncher?
Quasar55_fml 18
Hope he took notes. Test on monday.
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Comments (53)
Paul_Days 0
Dinner and a Movie! Dave Days's new album!!
sixfoot2 0
and knowing is half the battle!!
insertcutename 3
Go Joe!
MamiPR1029 0
My dad does the same exact thing.
ibitehard 9
It's an important life lesson for your boyfriend now his ass is clean for all his (awesome) gay lovers who will probably **** him more than you do ;D Isn't being realistic fun?
vomitknife 0
Is your boyfriend named Mohammed or some other raghead name, if so i can see why your dad was giving him wiping lessons.
ericownz101 0
NO NO NO you guys are all wrong... girls dont poop
blo0_starZz 0
Actually, the reason they wash with water & their hands is to be fully clean (part of their religion), and it wouldn't be correct if they didn't use toilet paper cause the germs would still be there & spread. So, #55 is correct. Stick that in your juice box & SUCK IT.
Burningwings 0
that means he had a brown sain on his jeans and boxes that sucks
WhiteZoneRedZone 6
Sounds like your dad is trying to flush your relationship down the toilet. It must be rough having George Costanza as a father.
cptmorgan15 2
I wish someone taught me how to use toilet paper.