Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip it up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turned around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML
Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML
Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friend's stomach. It was my Principal. FML
Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML
Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML
Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML
Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML
Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
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Top comments
xSonic 9
Right....filing down your nails. Mmhmm
SkoomaKi 28
That's a good cover story OP, but we know that you were twiddling your twaddle. We know.
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Comments (52)
xSonic 9
Right....filing down your nails. Mmhmm
iOceanus 18
Future exhibitionist!
imavelociraptor 6
Also.. If OP is a male, his nails shouldn't be long enough to break off anyway...
CrissyyyS2 22
Isn't there other parts of your jeans to rub on?
RBntM 10
Maybe OP wanted to file his/her nail and rub his/her parts at the same time
dashizam 10
Short shorts.
siickman 7
11 is right. Saves time.
MoodyBlue320 11
Who wears short-shorts? Op wears short shorts.(It's a chant)
iamabamf 17
Who's a dumbass? You're a dumbass. Oh, sorry, I was continuing the chant.
kellygirl83 11
Why were you rubbing any where near that area? Side of your leg should have been enough.
prioo 6
Maybe OP was using their zipper as a nail file.
annie_nk 23
6 - I've done that before. Only made things worse.
S182 15
Op never stated that she wasn't doing it on the side of her leg... Sometimes people are just nosy bitches and spread rumors when they don't know what is going on. Or, just to be an ass, someone could've told the teacher knowing full and well that she wasn't masturbating.
kobelstone23 13
Because when sitting in a school desk the most available spot to rest your hand, much less file your nail is your upper thigh....
SkoomaKi 28
That's a good cover story OP, but we know that you were twiddling your twaddle. We know.
ICastillo 25
Or twaddling the twiddle....
AKGirlinSD 20
4, Is "twaddle" the term used for both men and womens' private areas? Or are you assuming it is a guy or girl? FMLers, please don't attack me, I'm really curious and feel out of the loop if that word has been being used and this is my first time seeing reading/hearing it.
yoyoforpeace 14
14- it's a made up word and we're not sure whether OP is male or female.
T9FTW 20
Damn, 18! I really wanna thumb up your comment!
LiterOfCola 16
Twittle the twat is the actual expression
AKGirlinSD 20
Thanks 18. I can't just thumb you up to say I like your comment.
mariah3269 4
It's only for female parts lol like twat ha
prioo 6
Stop by your local dollar store and pick up a nail file. Your jeans probably didn't help much with filing them down anyway.
cis1den 0
**No way out of this one, Just say you had a stiffer this Morning!
jpoole 4
Well tell them that "certain things" need to be done to the privates. We must be SATISFIED!
007type 26
Well, you were rubbing one out nonetheless. ;)
kut17 11
He was getting off...a broken nail.
ICastillo 25
Is that what they call it now a days "filing down a nail".
HughHolmes 10
you probably was rubbing that standing on your bench ,right ?