Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML
Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all that, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, after a month's-long dry spell, my wife and I finally had sex. It was awkward and terrible, neither of us finished, and she muttered, "I don't know why I missed that" after we gave up. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
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Top comments
Serisent 26
Perhaps, since she 'finally' agreed to it, she just wasn't ready? Or, perhaps your performance was also uninspiring to her.
HowieDoIt 21
So you fantasized about eating sticks? Are you sure you didn't enjoy it for another reason?
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Comments (106)
Albarufus 13
Love it when people expect it to be awesome the first time you have sex with someone. That's not always the case!
ittybitttyme 8
Maybe because you "finally" got her to agree to it- quit pressuring her into it ya bastard. You wouldn't have to get her to agree if she actually wanted it. Maybe you're just not that damn good.
Ominn 6
Sounds more like she initiated. OP didn't put "Finally agreed", the gf said she "was ready". Read better.
ultra_notorious 26
all that anticipation. just for a huge letdown, hate when that happens!
Jaded88 3
What do you mean by terrible? As in she was lousy in bed, or it hurt her, or the positon was wrong, or what? If she was lousy in bed, it was probably her first time or that she was nervous... give it some time.
bootytoo 14
I feel bad for your girlfriend sound s like she might not even have been ready.
VampTat 10
First of all, you only need to use the word "finally" once. Examples: "Today, my girlfriend finally said that she felt ready to have sex with me." OR "Today, my girlfriend said that she felt ready to finally have sex with me." Second, I'm assuming that your girlfriend was a virgin before having sex with you? But even if it wasn't, having sex with someone you haven't had sex with before is always going to be a little awkward the first time. Keep in mind, that communication is a big key to good sex too... But regardless, you're a scumbag if you honestly expected "good sex" from her after pressuring her into having sex to begin with... Just because you are her boyfriend does not make her ****** your property. She can decide whether or not she's okay with you putting your penis in it, and if you couldn't deal with that, then you should have just moved on.
smokeyKane69 4
Holy **** leaving a comment is not the same as writing a ******* novel. A couple sentences will do....
srewYolo 1
Hey those bread sticks are amazing
tehdarkness 21
That's totally normal even if the sex is great!
TheMystery13 13
If I were you, I'd be more worried about the fact that you were stimulated by the thought of putting long objects into your mouth.
scott82 5
Havin sex with fat ugly chicks, never a good thing