Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML
Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML
Today, I spent 10 minutes on the phone with tech support before realizing my “broken” printer was unplugged behind the desk and had been the whole time. The agent waited in silence as I was checking, but I was too embarrassed to tell him, so I hung up the phone in shame. FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML
Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML
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Top comments
astro_plastic 0
Little do they know, their printer is actually Optimus Prime.
shorty1989 0
wow paranoid!
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Comments (139)
Atypical_teen 0
ahhhh thats sucks man I know if you grew up around guns you know what one being loaded sounds like that sound would scare the shit out of me in the dark too
uxoriouswidow 0
An actual gunshot must seem like a nuclear weapon to you.
uxoriouswidow 0
As is abundantly clear, I misread this FML.
bezach 0
I always feel like, sombodys watching me( I got no privacy)
AlixAlexAlax 0
Lol I can totally relate to this FML haha Awesome
jcfan101 0
awwwuh ! ):
greatnt249 0
Gotta be honest...I have never, ever heard a printer sound like a slide being racked or a shotgun being pumped. You must either have a) no clue what loading a gun sounds like, b) be paranoid as hell, or c) a printer I have to hear for myself to judge.
alice_wt 0
Hahahah my printer sounds like that too lmao but i wouldn't have reacted that way if i were you lol! paranoid much?
babieslayer 0
i had something like this happen to me... OH WAIT NO I DIDN'T CUZ IM NOT RETARDED
sparky831 0
u mustve felt like an idiot afterwards!
purplemnm 9
your printer is friggin epic! I would totally hang with it if it was a person.