Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML
Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML
Today, I spent 10 minutes on the phone with tech support before realizing my “broken” printer was unplugged behind the desk and had been the whole time. The agent waited in silence as I was checking, but I was too embarrassed to tell him, so I hung up the phone in shame. FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML
Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML
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Top comments
astro_plastic 0
Little do they know, their printer is actually Optimus Prime.
shorty1989 0
wow paranoid!
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Comments (139)
AlterEggo 0
I said FYL. That is one weird printer, to make that noise for that reason.
kaileebug 0
it's not really a FML though (although it is amusing) because she was safe.
Gazoooo 0
At ease soldier!
perdix 31
I know what she's talking about. When my printer runs out of ink, it pulls a knife on me and says, "Shut up and give me your ******* wallet. There had better be a lot of money in it or I'll cut you." If it's the color cartridge, it maces me first!
DanceGirl01 0
wow way to be rude!
ImaginaryFoe 1
I agree with DanceGirl. If you're going to be rude, that's the way to do it. Perdix FTW
perdix 31
Tell me about rude, DanceGirl, even when I cave in to its demands for fresh ink cartridges, my son-of-a-bitch printer sucker punches me and still says "Low Ink Levels." Those machines have no manners!
Tripout 0
ROFLMFAO perdix is the comedy comment king XD
DanceGirl01 0
omg same !!!!!! it's just a security thing!!
rockbandjunkie 2
Lololol this made my day
AlcaSMT 0
At least it wasn't a real, armed burglar. That would've been a real FML.
Xephyr 1
YLIA
matrael 0
This has happened to me as well. PTSD can get better over time. I hope you're getting treatment. The paranoia and jumping at every sound do ease up.
deathartisan 0
epic paranoia fail. :). op you made me laugh so than you much. and. fyl
cinnamonfire131 1
weed is not 4 every1. put down the blunt