Today, I was watching "Tool Academy" with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be "Tiny Tool." I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML
Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML
Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to honestly tell me if I had become overweight. He replied that yes, I had, but that it was OK because I was his "Lumpy Space Princess." FML
Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said, "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML
Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML
Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML
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Top comments
Sarasa01 0
Is there an Overly Sensitive Tool?
sexy1 0
I'm sorry soundbox, you're just a tool
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Comments (24)
Superawesomestev 0
lol
SumKid_fml 0
Im guessing penis? Dude, ur 240 pounds. Thats not that "tiny"
Compass 0
@14 Generally fat people have smaller penises because their fat kind of absorbs some of it. People that have lost weight can may tell you their penis got longer. Girth should remain the same, though. I should know from experience and research.
What_Willis_is_t 1
Their fat absorbs their penis? Please tell me you're joking and not that stupid. And wait, research? What'd you do? Google fat mans penis? Or did you walk the streets with a ruler?
cinnamininini 5
Where the **** do you get this from?,?
Dekat121 24
you mean the fat starts to surround the pelvis region, making the penis look smaller? please tell me this is what you meant
Loosechange 0
Ya well Tub's if you are fat because you are to lazy to workout you don't deserve a girlfriend and she was talking about you being small and calling you fat. If you have a medical condition so you cannot work out then sorry and good luck.
derschadenfreude 5
YDI for setting yourself up for that one. asking which tool you are is pretty much begging for someone to mock the size of your penis.
greatsarcazm 0
if you are fat you're not Tiny genius.
astriofou 0
TINY TOOL!
SergeantSarcasms 4
hey, don't feel bad. some girls like big guys ;)
cheeriously 4
lolololololol FAT ASS!!!!
charlieskiki 0
How bout you're all of them combined because as far as I'm concerned only tools watch tool academy ha!!!