Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML
Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair. He reached up and grabbed the first thing available to him: my nipple. I got purple-nurpled by my baby. FML
Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML
Today, while breast feeding my 7 month-old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
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Top comments
bethrh 49
... How old is your son?
nesssy 16
Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.
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Comments (24)
manuwish 9
sounds like you all have a healthy sense of humour :)
KryssLB 14
Just be aware that, if he manages to latch on and you let him go at it, after a couple of days or so of the stimulation, you will begin to lactate. Men also have fully-functional mammary glands. --Ha, I accidentally typed "mannary glands". Lol. Anyways, great if you're stuck in a post-apocalyptic world with a hungry baby and no lactating women around; not so great if your kid is just pranking you. The good news is that if it happens, you'll dry up after about a week of not breastfeeding; it will start to taper off after only a couple of days even from full midnight feedings and everything. Our bodies will do it if they think it's needed and stop as soon as they think it isn't. Actually, it's all pretty neat. Although your breast tissue will never be the same again, alas...
fictionaldiary 11
How many times did you fall asleep that day?
J15237 25
I am sorry but that falls under the kids do the funniest things. That's actually really funny. Its a bit of an FML, but I am sure your wife is laughing her ass off. However, how old is your son? You need to handle that truly. still funny though.