Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML
Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML
Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML
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Top comments
Bekll 31
She could hear it over the vacuuming?
crablegs 2
didn't just Fart your Ass? where else would you Fart from?
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Comments (90)
Feklfekl2222 32
How did he know it was the first one?
Brannie 4
*She
Pelreskovich 11
10 - maybe his hot neighbor is actually a man dressed as a woman!?
runnamuk 6
45- uh maybe, but the genders of both the OP and the neighbor are clearly marked.
ydi_4_suking 20
Damn OP how loud are your farts?
Pelreskovich 11
47 - from OP's perspective. If it were a man dressed as a woman OP could think it was actually a woman, hence the "she" reference. Either way I was just joking around.
_Oblivion_ 12
"Super hot" wouldnt be refering to a guy in a chick's clothes
Pelreskovich 11
72 - Well said.
_Oblivion_ 12
And btw vacuums are generally loud, no? The noise should have drowned out the farting.
Feklfekl2222 32
What I mean is, how did he know which was the first, he could of come in at the second one and assumed it was the first. There is no way for him to have accurately found out which was first
Pandacupcakelove 26
81- Not the smell :/
cooIbeans 0
lol I like how nobody pointed out that OP's super hot neighbor was just casually standing in his doorway.
RaquelW 7
72 - then I have been watching the wrong ****...
Sebastian_NG 17
85 - Again, she*
Feklfekl2222 32
Sorry got a bit confused
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
85- really? Why do you care lol
xlLuCkYChArMIx 0
Wow, this conversation is sad. Ever heard the term "let it go"? Don't knock it til ya try it. *double and triple checks spelling*
notsorandomguy 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Time for an unoriginal comment! Doesn't matter, had sex. Oh, wait...
THE_A_TEEN 28
*Facepalm Learn to stop putting down that meme as a good comment. It makes my brain cringe.
llamafish 25
Because saying facepalm is soooo much better.
THE_A_TEEN 28
At least it's better than putting "..Had sex" when it's overused to shit and is put in a situation where sex isn't mentioned.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Woo Woo, all aboard the fail train. Tickets are 90% off in the next few minutes.
Cad6 24
Guys, at least A_Teen used a pathetically overused meme in the right context. The other guy used a pathetically overused meme in the wrong context. They both lost, but A_Teen didn't lose as badly.
TheTrollrCoaster 2
74, facepalm is used just as frequently as 'had sex'
Calyx_fml 22
Maybe she's into that.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Yeah! Girls find it attractive when methane comes out yo ass.
ryanmoneybags 4
No they don't... Why would girls find that attractive, farts only smell good when they are your own, not someone else's. I hate when people fart near me.
WCARlover 35
33 learn to take a joke
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
33 -_- It was a joke. "Farts in your face and runs."
StopDropNRoll 11
Farts smell good?
Pinkfl0yd 9
I gave that bitch gas. Bitches love gas.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
Let er' rip
Frijolero_92 1
Wtf where's 33
Cad6 24
^Your comment reminded me of a stupid Bey blade commercial.
RedPillSucks 33
Ask her if she's got a lighter
tygerarmy 35
She's into it if she didn't leave after the first one. Love at first gas.
crablegs 2
didn't just Fart your Ass? where else would you Fart from?
TheMathMajor 26
Why did you have to capitalize fart and ass?
instnt1nfction 17
Because all hail Ass Fart
Cad6 24
I can fart my leg. It makes a weird squelching sound like a dying moose.
crablegs 2
My smartphone did it automatically, it seems to think there are unfortunate souls out there named Fart and Ass.
craZgal321 6
some people can armpit fart...
craZgal321 6
some people can armpit fart...
craZgal321 6
oh sorry i didnt mean to comment that twice
PRpandaz 6
Well girls can queef.
MrBrightside21 20
163- No way?!?!?
Bekll 31
She could hear it over the vacuuming?
NeDaroft 5
Good point
runnamuk 6
and she just stood there watching him while he vacuumed? That's kinda creepy.
kooochris1995 14
And if its a new neighbor, why would she just be inside at the door?
EmreArslan 11
She could smell it. XD
Scruffy618 0
26: You have to remember the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal. A girl is allowed to be crazy (or in this case creepy) as long as she is equally hot.
sillycart 9
Yeah.... Was gonna say the same thing
aisthecoolest 8
Wouldn't the vacuum suck up the smell to???
TheTrollrCoaster 2
Same thoughts
ryanmoneybags 4
Sometimes, I pull open my but cheeks and let air into my anus. After the air has marinated for a while, I break wind and enjoy the smell of my hindquarter fumes.
ryanmoneybags 4
butt*
THE_A_TEEN 28
*Puke *Rereads comment again *Pukes again
dellis96 0
Your disgusting and awesome at the same time.
Grimmerie 31
Sometimes, I like to strip naked and cover myself in Vaseline. I slither on my belly into my neighbours' yard. After leaving long slime trails all over, I commune with the neighbourhood slugs. I feel like myself when I pretend to be a slug. It's magical.
runnamuk 6
Oh, um... awkward. Why would you tell us this?
ryanmoneybags 4
*you're
MaddieLynn123 7
No comment....
lukep135 6
This comment doesnt deserve the dislikes at all
Pandacupcakelove 26
Ugh! Why do i have to read the burried comments? DX
Snafuusmc 12
I could see this happening in a comedy. Funny stuff.
Enslaved 38
How loud are your farts that she can hear them over the noise of your vacuum? Or better yet, how smelly? :P
ryanmoneybags 4
Have you seen the human centepede? Imagine how smelly the poop coming out of the final person was. She was eating digested feces that was pooped out again. Probably didn't taste too good.
THExistentialist 13
Oh god. don't bring that movie up. besides I thought you were too old for those movies grandpa? wtf?
Enslaved 38
No, I have not. And after your little description, I am now counting my lucky stars I didn't! Blah!
DontModMeDammit 10
Heard the second one has 12 unlucky people.. Lol
dylanmurre 4
The second one is sooooo gross. I couldn't even Finnish watching it.....
Spectre529 12
Haha what did you say after?
SkoomaKi 28
"It was the dog".
Emokidabbey 0
Saftey :D
godhatesyou777 3
"You have beautiful eyes"...lol but for cereal you do
Spectre529 12
134- haha what? Cereal?
Hypertudism 15
She seems blunt. Since she didn't throw up or run away, she must be pretty rudely accepting of your gas. You should ask her out.