Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML
Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML
Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML
Today, I was eating lunch in my car. There was a cute guy, also in his car, who kept smiling at me and winking with a cheeky grin. I considered giving him my number but his girlfriend suddenly sat up from having her head in his lap, wiping her mouth. He was getting a blowjob the entire time. FML
Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I'd been sat in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars, and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through, I heard a tap on my driver's window. It was a police officer. FML
Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML
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Top comments
silversparkles4 5
Take it as a compliment, you are pretty enough to ********** to.
jmac317 0
thats hot
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Comments (96)
perdix 31
You're lucky that you got off only being blown a kiss. You could have gotten shot as he got off.
coolkid_matt 11
win :D
Cuselaxer22 0
The creepy guy probably had good aim so she should have been extra cautious.
imrpowers 2
thats not an FML! you're just attractive!
saleha97 4
today, while i WAS..
Ldesu 0
I wonder if both this FML's subject and the slow -witted client getting the most value out of his phone service in an unexpected way from an earlier FML were the same person...
Sathian 0
You should offer help for a little....money.
wisericky 12
maybe the fml is that he drove away, when the OP wanted some dick...
enoughgrace 4
At least he came and went. I'm sure it's weird to semen do that. I mean, we can mass-debate this all we want but the fact is still erect that he did the blowing. She could probably only see his head, but I'm sure his plank stare said it all. What wood you do in this situation? Would you give him the shaft?
Sathian 0
Win. Trollz or Doc will be here shortly. >_>
perdix 31
enoughgrace, That's great, but you could have quit after "it's weird to semen do that." That was your epic wiñ, literally.
mintcar 10
Wow, nice job. Nice job indeed.
dudeitsdanny 10
You did a nice job, and I'ma let you finish, but DocBastard is the punniest FML user of all time.
enoughgrace 4
yes, Doc is th best. I just do what I can, that's my load to bear.
TheUnhappyMouse 0
So much pun ^_^
DocBastard 40
Grace, I don't want to sound like a jerk or a whack job or a wanker, and I won't beat a dead horse, so I'll just say I'm very impressed. I was so white-knuckled with anticipation reading this comment, it made me want to abuse an animal. I just couldn't decide between choking a chicken or spanking a monkey. Aye, there's the rub! I'll leave it at that and five-finger shuffle out of here. I have to help my friend Jack with some stuff anyway.
enoughgrace 4
nice
kasumii 1
You spelled realise wrong. At least someone from UK or Australia etc should say that, since Americans are always correcting their spelling and they should just return the lovely favor.
kasumii 1
Try telling that to Americans you fucktard.
Sirin_fml 47
Never heard of tourists or expatriates then, I take it?
kasumii 1
You people seriously don't know shit. It's always the British who get their spelling corrected by Americans. To be fair someone should return the favor? Or you Americans are so stuck-up you're the only ones allowed to do corrections? I see.
Doortje 30
It's ******* stupid anyway, whether it's Americans telling British people realise is wrong, or Brits telling American people realize is wrong. It's stupid, ignorant and annoying. Obviously you think so too. So I don't get why you'd "return the favour".
cheeksMcgeeks 3
realize, theatre, favourite, skilful, enrolment, criticise, learnt, colour, leapt, centre... HoW dO yOu LiKe Me NoW HuUuUuUuUuuh?
funktown 2
there's 2 ways to spell learnt?
kasumii 1
#59, you've obviously never heard of sarcasm. -facepalm-
Doortje 30
Sure, I've never heard of it :') If those comments were meant to be sarcastic it looks like there were more people who didn't get it considering the thumbs down.
cheeksMcgeeks 3
Yea there's learned vs learnt.
sarcdude 3
"cockweasel?" wtf, bloodstorm invents "d*ckt*ts," and several... "unsavory sites" have invented words like "c*ckmeat." where in the bloody (and I'm not even English!) freakin' HELL are you people coming up with these words?!!
sarcdude 3
I meant "bulletstorm" not bloodstorm.
lacrossekid 0
hey now he coulda got you With a drive by facial !!
furburger 0
Given the facts presented, I believe the man was driving a car with an automatic transmission. It wood be too hard to operate a stick and your dick while blowing a kiss and driving away. Trust me.
skiier4life 1
it's actually not that hard....... Trust ME...