Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML
Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML
Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML
Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML
Today, I walked past my fly strip while a fly who had been caught, but hadn't yet died, was on it. While I was there, I could hear his frantic buzzing and see his little arms flailing like mad as he tried in vain to escape. Great. Now I feel like shit for putting these things up. What kind of a monster am I? FML
Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML
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Top comments
uxoriouswidow 0
That's what real men do. It isn't a legitimate kill unless your body is smeared with the victim's entrails.
marathdamane91 2
congratulations on catching and killing a fly it's quite hard
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Comments (75)
poooook 0
be happy you didn't wipe it on the food you were eating....?
shamille 5
pb
uxoriouswidow 0
That's what real men do. It isn't a legitimate kill unless your body is smeared with the victim's entrails.
Darkhumor 0
^this^ Comment is win
madarchod 0
good
couny343 1
yeah your shirts dirty so your life is completley ****** beyond belief.
ralphyr 0
wow. your life really sucks. At least you got to have lunch. kids in Haiti didn't.
CallMeHush 1
Well at least you didn't lick your fingers. Right? oh oh FYL, that's gross.
FCChelsea 3
Shoo fly, don't bother him Shoo fly, don't bother him no more, more, more
0mfgz 0
Good job on actually killing it, but you should've washed your hands afterwards. On the bright side, at least you didn't smear its guts all over your food.
wasted0087 0
War Paint! No flies will mess with you anymore!
mzhonesty 0
I can't accept that you didn't realize there was fly guts on your hands after you just killed a fly. It must be a reflex for you to smear anything on your hands onto your shirt.